I went to see The Skeleton Key with doomie Wednesday night. I was a little apprehensive about this, because I was under the impression this was a scary/spooky/suspense type movie. And I don't watch scary movies, because, well, they scare me. Seriously. I mean, I can watch certain horror type movies, like werewolves and vampires, and enjoy the scare, because I don't believe in werewolves or vampires. And I don't actually "believe" in ghosts, and the supernatural, per se, but sometimes... maybe?? And serial killer type movies? Scare the living shit out of me. Because, that's reality. So anyway... I thought this movie was going to be super spooky, dealing with I don't know what. But? It was not. It was actually quite boring. We sat through the whole movie, thinking that it's going to pick up, and something is going to happen. But it never did. The only time I jumped was when there was a sound of thunder booming. You know, like when you're half asleep or something, and a loud noise startles you? Yeah, like that. That was the only startling part of the movie. This movie dealt with hoo-doo, which should have scared me, but it was done in such a lame manner, that it had no effect on me.
In other news, I signed up with Weight Watchers yesterday. Doomie has been going, and wanted me and another of her friends to go with her, so we will have our own mini-support group. I want to lose weight, I need to lose weight, and if I stick to the WW plan, I'm sure I will. But the meetings? I am so not the rah-rah type. But I will stick it out for at least 12 weeks. I will apply myself, and I will try not to roll my eyes too much during the meetings. I will clap for the others when they are celebrating a weight loss or any other accomplishment. I will not be sarcastic (at least not outloud) about the cheesiness of the whole thing. I will try to have an open mind about this, because if nothing else, doomie is concerned about me, and I owe it to my friend to try.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Saturday, August 27, 2005
fortune cookie generator
Thursday, August 25, 2005
I guess it should be called a YouYou instead of a MeMe...
A fun MEME about YOU!
1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song or movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've wondered about you.
8. Then you take it to your place, and say nice things about people there. Well you don't have to do nice...
Moving this up to the top... wanted to be sure Carey & Glowie know I've done them.
1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song or movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've wondered about you.
8. Then you take it to your place, and say nice things about people there. Well you don't have to do nice...
Moving this up to the top... wanted to be sure Carey & Glowie know I've done them.
I am sadly disappointed with you people...
OK. My plans for vacation this week were to kick back and do nothing. Just veg out, and read blogs. People, you are letting me down! There are several blogs that are in dire need of updates. You are not giving me reasons to not do housework. Entertain me already, and don't make me name names!
That is all...
*goes off to fold the laundry*
That is all...
*goes off to fold the laundry*
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Vacation
So... I'm on vacation from work this week. I have plans to do absolutely nothing this week, just regenerate. It's too fucking hot to actually go out and do anything. Day 1 of vacation started out with a dr's appt. That was fun. I got to tell the doc that I hadn't been taking any of my meds for about a month. *shrugs* couldn't afford to refill them - I guess I should have gotten at least one of them refilled, or I could have put it on the credit card (which is what I ended up doing yesterday anyway). I had already gotten lectured by my mom for not taking them, when I went down to visit the other weekend, and to take my son shopping for school clothes. Mom was getting on to me, said I spent too much on my son, considering that I couldn't afford my meds. But as I pointed out to her, I used my Sears card for the clothes, and to my knowledge, Wal-Greens, CVS, Wal-Mart, Kroger, or any other place that has a pharmacy, does not accept the Sears credit card.
I also got the lecture from the doc for not checking my blood sugar on a regular basis. I don't like to do that because my finger bleeds too much. The blood gets all over me. Besides, it's usually (almost always) in the normal range, anyway.
The doctor has suggested gastric by-pass surgery to me the last 2 visits. I don't want to have the surgery though. For one thing, I haven't seriously put out the effort to lose weight. I know if I actually tried, I could lose quite a bit of it on my own. Secondly, and I know that they have made great advancements in the medical procedure and all, but I always think about the horror stories regarding the surgery. Everytime I mention it to my mom, who also does not want me to have the surgery, she reminds me about Aunt Sherry. My aunt had the surgery done, oh gosh, maybe 20+ years ago. She died 18 months after having it. I don't think she was even in her 30's when she died.
Wait, wasn't this supposed to be about me and my vacation? Oh yeah... day two, woke up with a charley horse, and am doing laundry. You may all envy me and my super exciting life now. I plan on reading this new book I bought the other day (yeah, I know... can't afford medication, but will drop $20-30 with Barnes & Nobles in a heartbeat)... Sex, Murder and a Double Latte by Kyra Davis. It's described as chick-lit mystery. Here's the blurb from the inside jacket:
"When a mystery writer cries bloody murder, everyone blames her overactive imagination...
Thriller scribe Sophie Katz is as hard-boiled as a woman who drinks Grande Caramel Brownie Frappuccinos can be -- maybe it's from a lifetime of fielding dumb comments about her half-black, half-Jewish ethnicity. ('My sister married a Polynesian! I just love your culture!') So Sophie knows it's not paranoia, or post-divorce, living-alone-again jitters, when she becomes convinced that a crazed reader is sneaking into her apartment to reenact scenes from her books. The police, however, can't tell a good plot from an unmarked grave.
When a filmmaker friend is brutally murdered in the manner of a death scene in one o fhis movies, Sophie becomes convinced that a copycat killer is on the loose -- and that she's the next target. If she doesn't slove the mystery, her own bestseller will spell out her doom. Cursing her grisly imagination (why, oh, why did she have to pick the axe?), Sophie engages in some real-life gumshoe tactics. The man who swoops in to save her in dark alleys at night is mysterious new love interest Anatoly Darinsky. Of course, if this were fiction, Anatoly would be her prime suspect..."
I also got the lecture from the doc for not checking my blood sugar on a regular basis. I don't like to do that because my finger bleeds too much. The blood gets all over me. Besides, it's usually (almost always) in the normal range, anyway.
The doctor has suggested gastric by-pass surgery to me the last 2 visits. I don't want to have the surgery though. For one thing, I haven't seriously put out the effort to lose weight. I know if I actually tried, I could lose quite a bit of it on my own. Secondly, and I know that they have made great advancements in the medical procedure and all, but I always think about the horror stories regarding the surgery. Everytime I mention it to my mom, who also does not want me to have the surgery, she reminds me about Aunt Sherry. My aunt had the surgery done, oh gosh, maybe 20+ years ago. She died 18 months after having it. I don't think she was even in her 30's when she died.
Wait, wasn't this supposed to be about me and my vacation? Oh yeah... day two, woke up with a charley horse, and am doing laundry. You may all envy me and my super exciting life now. I plan on reading this new book I bought the other day (yeah, I know... can't afford medication, but will drop $20-30 with Barnes & Nobles in a heartbeat)... Sex, Murder and a Double Latte by Kyra Davis. It's described as chick-lit mystery. Here's the blurb from the inside jacket:
"When a mystery writer cries bloody murder, everyone blames her overactive imagination...
Thriller scribe Sophie Katz is as hard-boiled as a woman who drinks Grande Caramel Brownie Frappuccinos can be -- maybe it's from a lifetime of fielding dumb comments about her half-black, half-Jewish ethnicity. ('My sister married a Polynesian! I just love your culture!') So Sophie knows it's not paranoia, or post-divorce, living-alone-again jitters, when she becomes convinced that a crazed reader is sneaking into her apartment to reenact scenes from her books. The police, however, can't tell a good plot from an unmarked grave.
When a filmmaker friend is brutally murdered in the manner of a death scene in one o fhis movies, Sophie becomes convinced that a copycat killer is on the loose -- and that she's the next target. If she doesn't slove the mystery, her own bestseller will spell out her doom. Cursing her grisly imagination (why, oh, why did she have to pick the axe?), Sophie engages in some real-life gumshoe tactics. The man who swoops in to save her in dark alleys at night is mysterious new love interest Anatoly Darinsky. Of course, if this were fiction, Anatoly would be her prime suspect..."
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Happy Birthday, Doomie
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Have some wine!
And I got you some prezzies! Hope they're the right size!
And look who dropped by to visit on your birthday!
I just wanted to tell you how very glad I am that we met, and how lucky I consider myself to be, that we have become friends. I love you dearly, and I always enjoy the time spent with you. You are an amazing person, and I really look forward to us still being friends in 30 years, and you telling me to get my roots done! *smooch* dahlin! Have a very wonderful day, and I will talk to you again real soon!
Friday, August 19, 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
3x Thursday meme
1. Name 3 pet peeves and explain them.
a) People who won't stop talking long enough for me to answer their question. This happens to me at work all the time. I would be glad to answer you, IF YOU WOULD JUST SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE.
b) Putting an empty coffee pot back on the burner. It takes maybe half a minute to start a new pot. And if you're not going to start a new pot, at least turn the burner off.
c) Judgemental, hypocritical people. I think that one's self-explanatory.
2. Name 3 things you would like to do before the year is up.
a) meet some more OT peeps
b) lose 25-30 pounds
c) go on a date
3. Name 3 things you'd like to accomplish before you die.
a) become fluent in another language
b) travel to Paris and see the Eiffel Tower
c) go bungee jumping or sky diving
Bonus Question for Comments: Name 3 of your favorite movies.
While You Were Sleeping
Pretty In Pink
French Kiss
a) People who won't stop talking long enough for me to answer their question. This happens to me at work all the time. I would be glad to answer you, IF YOU WOULD JUST SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE.
b) Putting an empty coffee pot back on the burner. It takes maybe half a minute to start a new pot. And if you're not going to start a new pot, at least turn the burner off.
c) Judgemental, hypocritical people. I think that one's self-explanatory.
2. Name 3 things you would like to do before the year is up.
a) meet some more OT peeps
b) lose 25-30 pounds
c) go on a date
3. Name 3 things you'd like to accomplish before you die.
a) become fluent in another language
b) travel to Paris and see the Eiffel Tower
c) go bungee jumping or sky diving
Bonus Question for Comments: Name 3 of your favorite movies.
While You Were Sleeping
Pretty In Pink
French Kiss
contrary or confused?
I take two baby steps forward, and run 10 steps back...
So, as I told you earlier, I had signed up with an online dating service, because I want to find my soulmate. (yes, I do believe that everyone has a soulmate. Call me a romantic or a fool or whatever you want, but that's just how I feel.) I want to meet someone, and fall in love, and get married, and all that jazz. So, why, when this one guy I've been exchanging "smiles" with, tells me today in an email, that he is looking for a long term relationship, and that if I'm just looking for someone to chat with, that he's not right for me, why am I backing off, thinking WHOA! let's get to know each other first, etc... let's talk first, then see if it leads anywhere.
More contraryness... he tells me he's completely relocatable... OK, I have a job I love, I'm buying a house, I don't want to have to move if I should meet someone, I want him to consider relocating. But this guy says that, and I'm thinking, red flag! What, you can just up and move? Don't you have a job, or roots, that you might need to consider before you offer to transplant yourself? It's what I want, or is it?
It has been pointed out to me by a couple of people, that I seem to be deliberately choosing men who are very far away from me, instead of someone who is close enough that a relationship could be an actuality. That I'm making sure it's not going to work, because of the distance.
To be honest, I'm scared. I have not been on a date since 1989. How do you get back out there? I just don't even know what to do.
Advice, anyone?
So, as I told you earlier, I had signed up with an online dating service, because I want to find my soulmate. (yes, I do believe that everyone has a soulmate. Call me a romantic or a fool or whatever you want, but that's just how I feel.) I want to meet someone, and fall in love, and get married, and all that jazz. So, why, when this one guy I've been exchanging "smiles" with, tells me today in an email, that he is looking for a long term relationship, and that if I'm just looking for someone to chat with, that he's not right for me, why am I backing off, thinking WHOA! let's get to know each other first, etc... let's talk first, then see if it leads anywhere.
More contraryness... he tells me he's completely relocatable... OK, I have a job I love, I'm buying a house, I don't want to have to move if I should meet someone, I want him to consider relocating. But this guy says that, and I'm thinking, red flag! What, you can just up and move? Don't you have a job, or roots, that you might need to consider before you offer to transplant yourself? It's what I want, or is it?
It has been pointed out to me by a couple of people, that I seem to be deliberately choosing men who are very far away from me, instead of someone who is close enough that a relationship could be an actuality. That I'm making sure it's not going to work, because of the distance.
To be honest, I'm scared. I have not been on a date since 1989. How do you get back out there? I just don't even know what to do.
Advice, anyone?
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
the birthday girl
Since it's my birthday, I thought I would show y'all a couple of my favorite pics of myself. This one, if my mom had it developed in the same month it was taken, would be when I was 20 months old.
This one was when I was 20, my 2nd year in college. I was such a ham when there was a camera around.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
quiz
| Sometimes Seductive! You are 48% Seductive! |
| Ok, it looks like you do have some seductive powers in your arsenal, but you don't rely on them too heavily. There are indeed times when you feel that a subtle approach is best for getting what you want, but - most importantly - you are able to recognize when direct action and hard work are the only way to get results. You're not immune to flights of fancy, but you usually know when it's time to come down and put in some real effort. People in this range of seductiveness don't reject subtlety as a mode of operation, but are able to avoid getting stuck in illusions and fantasies - endlessly waiting for good things to come along, as more seductive people often do. You're more likely to go ahead and put your cards on the table, simply letting people know what you want, instead of hiding your desires and hoping that someone, somewhere, someday, fulfills them for you... |
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Stolen from the green one's blog.
1.What is your first name?
Freda
2. Were you named after anyone?
My father's ex-GF. Seriously.
3. Do you wish on stars?
No.
4. When did you last cry?
This past weekend.
5. Do you like your handwriting?
No. I wish it was neater.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Ham.
7. What is your most embarrassing CD?
ABBA's Best of...
8. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
No.
9. Do you have a journal?
Yes.
10. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Never.
11. What are your nicknames?
Don't have any.
12. Would you bungee jump?
Yes.
13. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
No.
14. Do you think that you are strong?
Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? No. Yes. No.
15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Jamoca (sp) Almond from Baskin Robbins
16. Shoe Size?
9.5
17. Red or pink?
Red
18. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
That I'm too needy. The shallow answer would be my fingernails... They constantly break off, and the nail on my middle finger, left hand, dips down.
19. Who do you miss most?
My son.
20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back?
N/A
21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
Black pants, and currently barefoot.
22. What are you listening to right now?
Queen.
23. Last thing you ate?
Hamburger pattie
24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Aquamarine.
25. What is the weather like right now?
Fuggin HOT.
26. Last person you talked to on the phone?
My mom.
27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Well that depends. Do I see his front or back first? If it's the back, then obviously, I notice his butt first. If it's the front, then it's his eyes and smile (plus I'm checking to make sure his teeth aren't missing and/or nasty gross.)
28. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
I like the person I stole it from.
29. Favorite Drink?
Coffee
30. Favorite Sport?
I hate sports.
31. Hair Color?
Naturally brown with some grey, chemically enhanced to be brown with blonde highlights, and no grey.
32. Eye Color?
green & brown
33. Do you wear contacts?
no.
34. Favorite Food?
Khaeng Phed
35. Last Movie You Watched?
In theater, War of the Worlds, on DVD, The Sweetest Thing.
36. Favorite Day Of The Year?
The first day of Autumn.
37. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?
Happy Endings.
38. Summer or Winter?
Winter, because I can't stand the heat.
39. Hugs or Kisses?
both.
40. What Is Your Favorite Dessert?
Tiramisu
41. Who Is Most Likely To do this Meme?
Don't know
42. Who Is Least Likely To do this Meme and comment?
Don't know
43. What Books Are You Reading?
Just finished "Good in Bed", and haven't started another one yet.
44. What's On Your Mouse Pad?
Nothing, it's just a solid blue.
45. What Did You Watch Last night on TV?
Rock Star: INXS
46. Favorite Smells?
Honeysuckle, the way it smells after it's rained, and certain men's colognes.
47. Favorite Sounds?
a baby laughing
48. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
I can't choose between the two. I like them both.
49. What's the furthest you've been from home?
However far Ohio is from TN
50. Do you have a special talent?
Yes, I can alienate people faster than anyone else.
51. What is your ring tone?
Depends on who is calling.
Freda
2. Were you named after anyone?
My father's ex-GF. Seriously.
3. Do you wish on stars?
No.
4. When did you last cry?
This past weekend.
5. Do you like your handwriting?
No. I wish it was neater.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Ham.
7. What is your most embarrassing CD?
ABBA's Best of...
8. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
No.
9. Do you have a journal?
Yes.
10. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Never.
11. What are your nicknames?
Don't have any.
12. Would you bungee jump?
Yes.
13. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
No.
14. Do you think that you are strong?
Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? No. Yes. No.
15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Jamoca (sp) Almond from Baskin Robbins
16. Shoe Size?
9.5
17. Red or pink?
Red
18. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
That I'm too needy. The shallow answer would be my fingernails... They constantly break off, and the nail on my middle finger, left hand, dips down.
19. Who do you miss most?
My son.
20. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back?
N/A
21. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
Black pants, and currently barefoot.
22. What are you listening to right now?
Queen.
23. Last thing you ate?
Hamburger pattie
24. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Aquamarine.
25. What is the weather like right now?
Fuggin HOT.
26. Last person you talked to on the phone?
My mom.
27. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Well that depends. Do I see his front or back first? If it's the back, then obviously, I notice his butt first. If it's the front, then it's his eyes and smile (plus I'm checking to make sure his teeth aren't missing and/or nasty gross.)
28. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
I like the person I stole it from.
29. Favorite Drink?
Coffee
30. Favorite Sport?
I hate sports.
31. Hair Color?
Naturally brown with some grey, chemically enhanced to be brown with blonde highlights, and no grey.
32. Eye Color?
green & brown
33. Do you wear contacts?
no.
34. Favorite Food?
Khaeng Phed
35. Last Movie You Watched?
In theater, War of the Worlds, on DVD, The Sweetest Thing.
36. Favorite Day Of The Year?
The first day of Autumn.
37. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?
Happy Endings.
38. Summer or Winter?
Winter, because I can't stand the heat.
39. Hugs or Kisses?
both.
40. What Is Your Favorite Dessert?
Tiramisu
41. Who Is Most Likely To do this Meme?
Don't know
42. Who Is Least Likely To do this Meme and comment?
Don't know
43. What Books Are You Reading?
Just finished "Good in Bed", and haven't started another one yet.
44. What's On Your Mouse Pad?
Nothing, it's just a solid blue.
45. What Did You Watch Last night on TV?
Rock Star: INXS
46. Favorite Smells?
Honeysuckle, the way it smells after it's rained, and certain men's colognes.
47. Favorite Sounds?
a baby laughing
48. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
I can't choose between the two. I like them both.
49. What's the furthest you've been from home?
However far Ohio is from TN
50. Do you have a special talent?
Yes, I can alienate people faster than anyone else.
51. What is your ring tone?
Depends on who is calling.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Oh, the embarrassment
The a/c is turned down too low at my office, and that's all I'm going to say. You're a bright bunch, I'm sure you can figure it out.
Music meme
What hit song of the last 5 years do you think will become a “golden oldie” 2 or 3 decades from now?
Monday, August 08, 2005
Saturday, August 06, 2005
No Offense
No offense...
I don’t mean to be rude, but…
When did prefacing your comments with “no offense” become a free pass to say offensive hurtful things? As if that negates the rudeness of what spews from your mouth, and if someone gets hurt by your words, it’s their problem, because, after all, you did say “no offense”.
It seems that when ever anyone starts off with that phrase, get ready for it. Be prepared to hear something very vile and hateful. They know that what they are about to say is hurtful. But if you’re offended, then you’re too sensitive. After all, they said upfront that it was not their intent to be offensive and/or insensitive to anyone. So deal with it.
People with weight issues seem to be fair game for any and all comments. I love when people feel the need to point out that I’m fat. Excuse me? Do you honestly think I have no idea that I’m overweight? Do you really think you are telling me something of which I was completely oblivious? Would it be acceptable to you for me to point out that you have bad breath? And are balding? Shall I tell that teenager that the acne on his or her face is just not attractive? Oh, but that would be rude and hateful on my part. But it’s ok to say I’m fat, and should really lose weight. And if I don’t lose weight, it’s because I’m a lazy, slovenly cow. Unless of course, I have thyroid issues.
Sometimes, people have other issues... and part of the way they try to deal with these issues manifests into weight problems.
Years ago, when I was working in a nursing home as the bookkeeper, one of the residents came into my office one day. She says to me, “I want to give you a compliment.” I’m sure you’re thinking the same as I was, “how nice”. Then she adds this, “because I’m sure as a big girl, you don’t get many compliments.” She tells me I have very nice clothes (for a big girl). Then she asked me if I had to have my clothes specially made. Wow. If you could have seen the look on her face when I told her no, I was able to buy my clothes ready made. “You mean they sell clothes that big?” She was stunned. Of course, I was stunned, also. I don’t believe I’ve ever had anyone be that rude to me before. Well, that’s not completely true. My ex-husband liked to make digs about my weight, too. The last argument we had before I left him, he told me he had not minded that I was big when we got married (isn’t that nice of him?), but I had totally “porked out” since then. Of course, at that point in the marriage, his opinion really meant nothing to me. It still stung, but not that much. He was so delusional anyway. A couple of times, in our fights, I would point out that he had gained weight since our wedding, too. His comeback was that he still wore the same size jeans. And while, yes he did wear the same size jeans, the difference was that the jeans used to come up to just below his belly button, the way they were meant to. But by then, he was wearing them just right above the groin area. He wouldn’t have been able to fasten them, if he was to pull them all the way up.
I’m told by some people who I love dearly, that I’m a beautiful person, inside and out, and just need to learn to love myself. I know they’re right, that I have to accept who I am, and love that person. But it’s hard when other people feel the need to tear me down. I just wish people would think, before saying things. I don’t mean I want someone to tell me they think I’m beautiful, if that’s not what they feel, but you don’t have to say mean things to me, either. It’s like the saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything. You know, if you don’t like what you see when you look at me, turn your fucking head. Again, don’t say what you don’t mean, I don’t like insincere compliments. It’s not right for you to try to tear me down. Or is your own life so miserable, that you need to drag others down to where you are?
And so ends my rant.
I don’t mean to be rude, but…
When did prefacing your comments with “no offense” become a free pass to say offensive hurtful things? As if that negates the rudeness of what spews from your mouth, and if someone gets hurt by your words, it’s their problem, because, after all, you did say “no offense”.
It seems that when ever anyone starts off with that phrase, get ready for it. Be prepared to hear something very vile and hateful. They know that what they are about to say is hurtful. But if you’re offended, then you’re too sensitive. After all, they said upfront that it was not their intent to be offensive and/or insensitive to anyone. So deal with it.
People with weight issues seem to be fair game for any and all comments. I love when people feel the need to point out that I’m fat. Excuse me? Do you honestly think I have no idea that I’m overweight? Do you really think you are telling me something of which I was completely oblivious? Would it be acceptable to you for me to point out that you have bad breath? And are balding? Shall I tell that teenager that the acne on his or her face is just not attractive? Oh, but that would be rude and hateful on my part. But it’s ok to say I’m fat, and should really lose weight. And if I don’t lose weight, it’s because I’m a lazy, slovenly cow. Unless of course, I have thyroid issues.
Sometimes, people have other issues... and part of the way they try to deal with these issues manifests into weight problems.
Years ago, when I was working in a nursing home as the bookkeeper, one of the residents came into my office one day. She says to me, “I want to give you a compliment.” I’m sure you’re thinking the same as I was, “how nice”. Then she adds this, “because I’m sure as a big girl, you don’t get many compliments.” She tells me I have very nice clothes (for a big girl). Then she asked me if I had to have my clothes specially made. Wow. If you could have seen the look on her face when I told her no, I was able to buy my clothes ready made. “You mean they sell clothes that big?” She was stunned. Of course, I was stunned, also. I don’t believe I’ve ever had anyone be that rude to me before. Well, that’s not completely true. My ex-husband liked to make digs about my weight, too. The last argument we had before I left him, he told me he had not minded that I was big when we got married (isn’t that nice of him?), but I had totally “porked out” since then. Of course, at that point in the marriage, his opinion really meant nothing to me. It still stung, but not that much. He was so delusional anyway. A couple of times, in our fights, I would point out that he had gained weight since our wedding, too. His comeback was that he still wore the same size jeans. And while, yes he did wear the same size jeans, the difference was that the jeans used to come up to just below his belly button, the way they were meant to. But by then, he was wearing them just right above the groin area. He wouldn’t have been able to fasten them, if he was to pull them all the way up.
I’m told by some people who I love dearly, that I’m a beautiful person, inside and out, and just need to learn to love myself. I know they’re right, that I have to accept who I am, and love that person. But it’s hard when other people feel the need to tear me down. I just wish people would think, before saying things. I don’t mean I want someone to tell me they think I’m beautiful, if that’s not what they feel, but you don’t have to say mean things to me, either. It’s like the saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything. You know, if you don’t like what you see when you look at me, turn your fucking head. Again, don’t say what you don’t mean, I don’t like insincere compliments. It’s not right for you to try to tear me down. Or is your own life so miserable, that you need to drag others down to where you are?
And so ends my rant.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Excitement & exhilaration, mixed with just a bit of fear
I'm excited and nervous! In September, my company will be flying me to Florida to conduct a Medicare training seminar with our bookkeepers from that state. Just a one day meeting, and then I'm taking a couple of vacation days, and staying in St. Pete (or somewhere close - read cheaper hotel). I have never seen the ocean (actually, I still won't be seeing the ocean... I will be on the Gulf of Mexico side of Florida). Oh well. It will still be beautiful.
I hope I don't do my normal scaredy-cat kinda behavior, and stay in my hotel the whole time. Wait. I won't do that. I am going to go out, I'm going to have fun, and it's going to be wonderful. I just wish there was some way to do this without having to go through the airport. I've only flown once before, and flying didn't bother me at all. Dealing with the airport, however, stressed me out. It's the whole "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, what line to be in, etc". I don't like getting out of my comfort zone at all. The unknown freaks me out. I'm one of those people, that if I have a list of do this, this, and this, stand here, go there, so I know exactly what I'm to do the whole time, I'm fine. My friends at work thought I was nervous about flying, but that didn't phase me at all. I love trying new things, I just want to know what I'm supposed to do.
Anyway, September 13th, I fly to Tampa, on the 14th, I conduct my meeting, and then it's fun time until Sunday morning, when I fly back.
I can't wait!!!!
I hope I don't do my normal scaredy-cat kinda behavior, and stay in my hotel the whole time. Wait. I won't do that. I am going to go out, I'm going to have fun, and it's going to be wonderful. I just wish there was some way to do this without having to go through the airport. I've only flown once before, and flying didn't bother me at all. Dealing with the airport, however, stressed me out. It's the whole "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, what line to be in, etc". I don't like getting out of my comfort zone at all. The unknown freaks me out. I'm one of those people, that if I have a list of do this, this, and this, stand here, go there, so I know exactly what I'm to do the whole time, I'm fine. My friends at work thought I was nervous about flying, but that didn't phase me at all. I love trying new things, I just want to know what I'm supposed to do.
Anyway, September 13th, I fly to Tampa, on the 14th, I conduct my meeting, and then it's fun time until Sunday morning, when I fly back.
I can't wait!!!!
Saturday, July 30, 2005
FirstLastNow meme
First
- First job: Babysitting, but first job that had involved paying taxes, etc was at a nursing home, working in the kitchen
- First screen name: arkiegrl
- First funeral: My grandfather's
- First pet: A beagle named Susie
- First piercing: My ears, when I was 15
- First tattoo: A pegasus, on my shoulder blade, this year
- First credit card: Cato
- First kiss: John, behind the church, when I was 12
- First enemy: Shirley Maggot
- Last car ride: last night, on my way home from drinking with Jessica
- Last kiss: too, too many years ago (it was my ex-hubby)
- Last movie watched: In the theater, War of the Worlds, on dvd, Dogma
- Last beverage drank: White Russian
- Last food consumed: steak, grilled veggies, and baked sweet potato
- Last phone call: to my mom
- Last time showered: this morning
- Last CD played: Cheap Trick, The greatest hits
- Last website visited: The daily meme
- Single or taken:Single
- Gender:female
- Birthday: Aug 16
- Sign: Leo
- Siblings: 3
- Hair color: brown, with blonde highlights
- Eye color: green & brown
- Shoe size: 9 1/2
- Height: 5'6"
- Wearing: Jeans and a violet colored t-shirt
- Drinking:nothing
- Thinking about: getting my hair done
- Listening to: the radio, Love Hurts
Thursday, July 28, 2005
validation
I have received validation this week...
I am good at my job... I know this, and my boss knows this too, but this week, validation! Recently, I was assigned to work on collecting some monies for one facility. I had to work from March back, and the facility bookkeeper would pick up April forward. My supervisor came to my office yesterday, for a reminder of what dates of service I was working. March and back for that A/R type is now zero. April forward... not so good.
We have a job opening in our department... She was discussing the position with one of the applicants, who remarked that she knew she would never be as good as me. When she grows up, she wants to be just like me. LOL.
It's just good to know that other people also tell my boss that I'm good at what I do. I don't like it when people brag on themselves. I always think to myself... if you're that good, I will be able to see it, you don't have to tell me... But it's good to hear that other people notice.
I am good at my job... I know this, and my boss knows this too, but this week, validation! Recently, I was assigned to work on collecting some monies for one facility. I had to work from March back, and the facility bookkeeper would pick up April forward. My supervisor came to my office yesterday, for a reminder of what dates of service I was working. March and back for that A/R type is now zero. April forward... not so good.
We have a job opening in our department... She was discussing the position with one of the applicants, who remarked that she knew she would never be as good as me. When she grows up, she wants to be just like me. LOL.
It's just good to know that other people also tell my boss that I'm good at what I do. I don't like it when people brag on themselves. I always think to myself... if you're that good, I will be able to see it, you don't have to tell me... But it's good to hear that other people notice.
Searching...
Like I said in an earlier post, I am starting to put myself (slowly, ever slowly) back on the dating scene. I have been divorced for 12 years now. I haven't dated at all since leaving my ex. I had so much baggage from dealing with him, that I am just now starting to shed. One of the obstacles I have to overcome is my size. I am big and beautiful. But I haven't felt beautiful, just big. I am starting to love myself. And I know that is the first step. If you don't love yourself, who will?
At the online dating service I signed up with, a question was asked on one of the message boards. What do women think when they hear a man say he is attracted to BBW's? I had answered, and included the statement that what I really want, is a man who doesn't prefer a particular body type. What I should have said, is one who doesn't limit himself to one type. Anyway, that sparked off quite a debate. *rolls eyes* But what I was trying to say, is there are so many things that make a person attractive. And I am so much more than a body type. I pointed out that I would have the concern, if I was with a man who only found BBW's attractive, and I lost weight (which is a goal for me), would I have to worry about not being attractive to him then? I mean, it's the same for women who are slim (I am assuming, as I have never been slim), having to worry if there is weight gain, is the man still going to be attracted?
But this has got me to thinking... should a person, at some point, give up your ideals, and "settle" for what you can get? I don't mean that I have a list of requirements, and failure to have all eliminates someone... not anything rigid like that... but is there anything wrong with believing that I have a soulmate out there? I guess it's because I don't have an exact "type"... I find so many different things appealing. And that's what I want in return. Of course, I am human, and I do have deal-breakers... ya gotta have a decent set of teeth... :)
At the online dating service I signed up with, a question was asked on one of the message boards. What do women think when they hear a man say he is attracted to BBW's? I had answered, and included the statement that what I really want, is a man who doesn't prefer a particular body type. What I should have said, is one who doesn't limit himself to one type. Anyway, that sparked off quite a debate. *rolls eyes* But what I was trying to say, is there are so many things that make a person attractive. And I am so much more than a body type. I pointed out that I would have the concern, if I was with a man who only found BBW's attractive, and I lost weight (which is a goal for me), would I have to worry about not being attractive to him then? I mean, it's the same for women who are slim (I am assuming, as I have never been slim), having to worry if there is weight gain, is the man still going to be attracted?
But this has got me to thinking... should a person, at some point, give up your ideals, and "settle" for what you can get? I don't mean that I have a list of requirements, and failure to have all eliminates someone... not anything rigid like that... but is there anything wrong with believing that I have a soulmate out there? I guess it's because I don't have an exact "type"... I find so many different things appealing. And that's what I want in return. Of course, I am human, and I do have deal-breakers... ya gotta have a decent set of teeth... :)
