No Offense

No offense...

I don’t mean to be rude, but…

When did prefacing your comments with “no offense” become a free pass to say offensive hurtful things? As if that negates the rudeness of what spews from your mouth, and if someone gets hurt by your words, it’s their problem, because, after all, you did say “no offense”.

It seems that when ever anyone starts off with that phrase, get ready for it. Be prepared to hear something very vile and hateful. They know that what they are about to say is hurtful. But if you’re offended, then you’re too sensitive. After all, they said upfront that it was not their intent to be offensive and/or insensitive to anyone. So deal with it.

People with weight issues seem to be fair game for any and all comments. I love when people feel the need to point out that I’m fat. Excuse me? Do you honestly think I have no idea that I’m overweight? Do you really think you are telling me something of which I was completely oblivious? Would it be acceptable to you for me to point out that you have bad breath? And are balding? Shall I tell that teenager that the acne on his or her face is just not attractive? Oh, but that would be rude and hateful on my part. But it’s ok to say I’m fat, and should really lose weight. And if I don’t lose weight, it’s because I’m a lazy, slovenly cow. Unless of course, I have thyroid issues.

Sometimes, people have other issues... and part of the way they try to deal with these issues manifests into weight problems.

Years ago, when I was working in a nursing home as the bookkeeper, one of the residents came into my office one day. She says to me, “I want to give you a compliment.” I’m sure you’re thinking the same as I was, “how nice”. Then she adds this, “because I’m sure as a big girl, you don’t get many compliments.” She tells me I have very nice clothes (for a big girl). Then she asked me if I had to have my clothes specially made. Wow. If you could have seen the look on her face when I told her no, I was able to buy my clothes ready made. “You mean they sell clothes that big?” She was stunned. Of course, I was stunned, also. I don’t believe I’ve ever had anyone be that rude to me before. Well, that’s not completely true. My ex-husband liked to make digs about my weight, too. The last argument we had before I left him, he told me he had not minded that I was big when we got married (isn’t that nice of him?), but I had totally “porked out” since then. Of course, at that point in the marriage, his opinion really meant nothing to me. It still stung, but not that much. He was so delusional anyway. A couple of times, in our fights, I would point out that he had gained weight since our wedding, too. His comeback was that he still wore the same size jeans. And while, yes he did wear the same size jeans, the difference was that the jeans used to come up to just below his belly button, the way they were meant to. But by then, he was wearing them just right above the groin area. He wouldn’t have been able to fasten them, if he was to pull them all the way up.

I’m told by some people who I love dearly, that I’m a beautiful person, inside and out, and just need to learn to love myself. I know they’re right, that I have to accept who I am, and love that person. But it’s hard when other people feel the need to tear me down. I just wish people would think, before saying things. I don’t mean I want someone to tell me they think I’m beautiful, if that’s not what they feel, but you don’t have to say mean things to me, either. It’s like the saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything. You know, if you don’t like what you see when you look at me, turn your fucking head. Again, don’t say what you don’t mean, I don’t like insincere compliments. It’s not right for you to try to tear me down. Or is your own life so miserable, that you need to drag others down to where you are?

And so ends my rant.