FirstLastNow meme

First

• First job: Babysitting, but first job that had involved paying taxes, etc was at a nursing home, working in the kitchen
• First screen name: arkiegrl
• First funeral: My grandfather's
• First pet: A beagle named Susie
• First piercing: My ears, when I was 15
• First tattoo: A pegasus, on my shoulder blade, this year
• First credit card: Cato
• First kiss: John, behind the church, when I was 12
• First enemy: Shirley Maggot

Last

• Last car ride: last night, on my way home from drinking with Jessica
• Last kiss: too, too many years ago (it was my ex-hubby)
• Last movie watched: In the theater, War of the Worlds, on dvd, Dogma
• Last beverage drank: White Russian
• Last food consumed: steak, grilled veggies, and baked sweet potato
• Last phone call: to my mom
• Last time showered: this morning
• Last CD played: Cheap Trick, The greatest hits
• Last website visited: The daily meme

Now

• Single or taken:Single
• Gender:female
• Birthday: Aug 16
• Sign: Leo
• Siblings: 3
• Hair color: brown, with blonde highlights
• Eye color: green & brown
• Shoe size: 9 1/2
• Height: 5'6"
• Wearing: Jeans and a violet colored t-shirt
• Drinking:nothing
• Thinking about: getting my hair done
• Listening to: the radio, Love Hurts

validation

I have received validation this week...

I am good at my job... I know this, and my boss knows this too, but this week, validation! Recently, I was assigned to work on collecting some monies for one facility. I had to work from March back, and the facility bookkeeper would pick up April forward. My supervisor came to my office yesterday, for a reminder of what dates of service I was working. March and back for that A/R type is now zero. April forward... not so good.

We have a job opening in our department... She was discussing the position with one of the applicants, who remarked that she knew she would never be as good as me. When she grows up, she wants to be just like me. LOL.

It's just good to know that other people also tell my boss that I'm good at what I do. I don't like it when people brag on themselves. I always think to myself... if you're that good, I will be able to see it, you don't have to tell me... But it's good to hear that other people notice.

Searching...

Like I said in an earlier post, I am starting to put myself (slowly, ever slowly) back on the dating scene. I have been divorced for 12 years now. I haven't dated at all since leaving my ex. I had so much baggage from dealing with him, that I am just now starting to shed. One of the obstacles I have to overcome is my size. I am big and beautiful. But I haven't felt beautiful, just big. I am starting to love myself. And I know that is the first step. If you don't love yourself, who will?

At the online dating service I signed up with, a question was asked on one of the message boards. What do women think when they hear a man say he is attracted to BBW's? I had answered, and included the statement that what I really want, is a man who doesn't prefer a particular body type. What I should have said, is one who doesn't limit himself to one type. Anyway, that sparked off quite a debate. *rolls eyes* But what I was trying to say, is there are so many things that make a person attractive. And I am so much more than a body type. I pointed out that I would have the concern, if I was with a man who only found BBW's attractive, and I lost weight (which is a goal for me), would I have to worry about not being attractive to him then? I mean, it's the same for women who are slim (I am assuming, as I have never been slim), having to worry if there is weight gain, is the man still going to be attracted?

But this has got me to thinking... should a person, at some point, give up your ideals, and "settle" for what you can get? I don't mean that I have a list of requirements, and failure to have all eliminates someone... not anything rigid like that... but is there anything wrong with believing that I have a soulmate out there? I guess it's because I don't have an exact "type"... I find so many different things appealing. And that's what I want in return. Of course, I am human, and I do have deal-breakers... ya gotta have a decent set of teeth... :)

My baby's not a baby anymore

Last week, my baby turned 14. He's almost as tall as me, now. His voice has been steadily getting deeper and deeper. Of course, that started happening a couple of years ago. It's funny how you don't notice those kind of things as they happen day to day. I noticed it because I had gotten my son a cell phone two years ago. He had recorded his name for the voice mail. Most times, when he called, I usually answered. It was rare that his calls went to my voice mail. But one day, I missed the call. So I checked my voice mail, and there's his cute young voice, announcing his name, and then the message starts, and there's this deep voice saying, "hi, Mom". I was so startled. When did this happen? Of course, he has changed the recording on his voice mail, so I've lost being able to hear how he used to be. The above picture was taken when he was 9 or 10 months. This one below was taken 6 years ago. He wanted to dye his hair red. Fire engine read. I remembered it turning out more cotton candy pink than what it looks like in this photo. Poor child... His cheap momma said she would be able to do it at home, no need to go somewhere to have it done. But it is a very pretty shade of pink, dontcha think? He kept begging to have it done, and didn't want to wait until school was out. The guidance counselor at his school had called and chewed me out over this. But it was just hair, ya know? I don't believe I scarred my child for life, like she implied.



He hates to have his picture taken now. Guess that's just one of the "phases" of being a teenager.

A child's heartbreak

Clint called me yesterday, sobbing. Cara had died. I wasn't aware she was even sick. It tears my heart up when my child has to deal with things like this. We had gotten Cara about 6 months after we had moved into the house. Unfortunately, we couldn't keep her, because the neighbor's child kept pulling at our fence until there was a large gap, and Cara kept getting out. So we took her to my parents that Thanksgiving. They live out in the country, so Cara was free to roam as she pleased. These first two photos are from when we first brought her home with us. She was such a little stinker. I had bought a dog house for her, but she wouldn't stay in it. When it rained, she would get up on the deck and sit by the sliding door, looking in at us. She tore up the dog bed I bought for her. She preferred sleeping under the deck, in the dirt. She also wanted to come in the house. But she was just too hyper to keep inside.













This picture was taken down at my parents, last year.










Even though she was Clint's dog, she was my baby. She thought she was a lap dog. She also liked me to hold her in my arms when I was standing up, and she would put her nose on my neck and in my hair. Cara liked to hug, too. After Clint had moved back to Arkansas to live with my parents, I had went for a visit. I was hugging Clint (either when I first got there, or when I was leaving to come back home), and Cara raised up on her hind legs, and put her front legs around me so she could be included in the hug.

RIP, Cara. January 2002 - July 2005. I'll miss you.

linking blogs

I would like to start adding links to other people's blogs, but don't want to do it without your permission/approval...

so... If it's ok for me to add a link to your blog, please let me know. Thanks!

Everyone else was stealing it...

1) My uncle once: called me "uglier than I am". Actually, he called me that everytime he saw me, until I gained a lot of weight. I guess he was afraid it would hurt my feelings then.
2) Never in my life: have I went sky-diving.
3) When I was five: I was five. Sorry, don't remember much about it.
4)High school was: one humiliation after another.
5) Fire is: mesmorizing.
6) I once saw: George Jones at the local mall, just standing there.
7) There's this woman I know who: writes country songs.
8) Once, at a bar: I actually didn't get drunk. OK, that's probably a lie.
9) By noon I'm usually: wishing it was time to go home.
10) Last night: I started reading a new book. I was going to make a comment about knapping my flint, but decided that was TMI.
11) If I only had: never, EVER applied for a credit card.
12) Next time I go to church: will probably be for someone's funeral.
13) The best thing about my last relationship was: my son being born.
14) What worries me most: is being unloved.
15) When I turn my head left: I see my Pegasus collection.
16) When I turn my head right: I usually 'crack' my neck.
17) You know I'm lying when: I start snickering.
18) What I miss most about the eighties: my youth, and hair bands.
19) If I were a character written by Shakespeare, I'd be: a bawdy tavern wench.
20) By this time next year: I hope to have lost 60 pounds.
21) I have a hard time understanding: why Tom Cruise's publicist keeps booking him for public appearances.
22) You know I like you if: I tease you.
23) If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: whoever bribed the judges.
24) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: walked into a bar...
25) Take my advice, never: marry this man -



26) My ideal breakfast: Belgian waffles with strawberries, and lots of coffee.
27) If you visit my hometown, I suggest you go to: Schakolad's - their chocolate is to die for.
28) Why doesn't everyone: realize I am the queen of the fucking universe?
29) If you spend the night at my house: don't talk to me in the morning until I've had my coffee.
30) I'd stop my wedding: if I flubbed up the line "lawful wedded husband". I said "awful wedded" 3 times when I married dumbass, before I could get it right, and I guess it was like invoking beetlejuice.
31) The world could do without: bigots and snakes.
32) My favorite blonde is: oh, she knows. *wink*
33) If I do anything well, it's: suck up.
34) And by the way: I'm actually sober right now.
35) The last time I was drunk, I: posted something on one of my other blogs, but didn't remember doing it the next morning.

guilt

I hate feeling guilty. Hate it! And I have felt guilty all day. Sometimes, I'm just not a very good friend or nice person.

Background info that will make sense at the end of the story: I live 3 miles away from my office. One of my co-workers that I'm friends with, lives about 30 miles away the office.

Last night, around 11:00, she IM's me, all in a panic. She had forgotten to calculate statements before she left Friday afternoon. This had to be done before Monday morning. She kept asking me what she should do. I told her she needed to go to the office right then, and get it started. I didn't volunteer to go do it for her. And I'm only 3 miles away. Just not very nice. And I have felt bad about it all day.

Yesterday was a pretty damn good day

Yesterday, doomie and I got together and went to see War of the Worlds. We had planned on going to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but doomie's kids had wanted to see that, so she took them during the week. She said it was horrible, and as a friend, she could not allow me to waste my time on that piece of crap. The movie started at four, so we left her house around 2:30, so we could go to TGIFridays to have a glass of wine (or 3) before the movie. Doomie said she needed the wine so she would be able to tolerate watching Tom Cruise (or as Augie calls him, Tom Skanky Cheater No Talent Nutjob Whackjob Cheater Cruise). Me? I was glad to use that as an excuse to drink 3 glasses of wine. *grin*

The movie was acutally good. (I have never seen the original, so I don't have that as a comparison.) Very intense. The other people in the theater were dead silent the whole time. I have never seen/heard a theater be that quiet. No rustling, no whispering, nada. I was emotionally drained by the end. However, I do have one thing that bothered me. OK - when the lightening strikes occur at the beginning of the movie, they short out all the electricty, the phones (land line and cell), the cars, even the battery on his watch. So, how was the one guy in the crowd able to have his video camera working? Wouldn't the battery on that have shorted out too? That bothered me. Plus, everyone's car dies... they replace the solenoid on the one mini-van... why couldn't they do that to any other car??? AND? why didn't the news van die, also? But other than those nit-picky things, I enjoyed the movie. I am so impressed with Dakota Fahning. She is quite the fine actress. I hope she is one of the few who are able to make the transition from child actor to adult actor.


After the movie, doomie and I went by the wine store, picked up a few bottles, and went back to her house. Let me tell you all, doomie is a wonderful cook. Since her family had already eaten, she cooked something for the two of us. We had chicken salad with artichoke. This was the first time I had eaten artichoke, and it was very good. And her chicken salad is very tasty. We drank some more wine, and watched Dogma on the dvd.

I had a wonderful day.

heh

So... a few months back, I signed up at an online dating service. An online dating service for BBW's, and the men(freaks) that like big women. OK... calling men who like large women freaks is not nice, and not completely true. And considering that I am a one of those large women, I should probably be glad that there are men out there who prefer a woman with a {helluva} lot of extra padding. And even better, there are men who actually have no preference... that it's what is inside that counts. Not that *I* have ever met one of this men in real life, but I know they are out there. But that's not what this post is about, so I guess I will try to get back on track. *grin* (Remember, this blog *is* named 'Ramblings')

So, I have had my profile up, and had a few "smiles" sent to me, sent a few to some of the men whose profiles caught my eye, but haven't really put out much effort. They have a chat room, but I haven't been in it, and I could IM but just haven't been able to bring myself to make the first move. Like I said in my profile comment on this blog, I really am shy. There are two men who have really interested me at the dating service. And last night, I finally got up my nerve to IM one of them. Of course, in sticking to my self-defeating ways, I picked the man who lives in Ireland as opposed to the one who lives in Memphis. I mean, after all, why pick the man who is less than 200 miles away, when you can pick the guy who lives on the other side of the ocean? But I am glad I chatted with Niall. He seems like a really nice guy, very interesting, and he's a musician. And he gives out some very nice compliments. *smile* I'm such a sucker for a line... tell me I'm cute (actually, he said stunning), and I'm putty in your hands, LOL. Of course, I know I need to be careful and cautious. There are a lot of nutjobs and liars out there. But it's like I told my mother, when we were discussing the other guy that I talked about previously that I had feelings for. She warned me that I needed to be careful, because he could be lying, and telling me anything, what with it being the internet. I remarked, "right, because a man won't lie to you face-to-face." And then my sister was kind enough to point out, that after all, I did not meet my ex on the internet. (Nobody in my family really ever liked my ex.)

Regarding my comment about a man lying... I just want to clarify... I am not bashing men. I don't always like men, but I know that not all men are creeps. Just the ones I get involved with. *grin*

Doin' the happy dance!

OK, I'm shallow enough that this has made me very, very happy! A couple of months ago, we were told that we would be moving our offices to another building. We got to see the new building, and were told where each of us would be. There were 4 sets of cube-land, and only 1 was going to be taken down, and real offices, with real walls would be put in. The accounts receivable staff would be in cube-land. I? was not a happy camper, as I am part of the A/R staff, and currently have my own office. But today, my supervisor emailed the floor plan to us, and in cube-land, they are building a couple of offices in the space, and I GET ONE! YES! I WILL STILL HAVE AN OFFICE, WITH WALLS THAT GO TO THE CEILING, AND A DOOR I CAN CLOSE!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently, I have been more vocal about my displeasure at the thought of being sent back to cube-land, because two of my co-workers asked if I was happy now. One even called me a spoiled brat. But you know what? I don't care! Maybe my boss thought I would leave if I had to be in a cube. I don't know. But it doesn't matter, because I WILL HAVE AN OFFICE!!!!

Horroscope from flooble.

I am a Leo. (Also known as "Lion") My Horroscope starts like this:
" From the early age, Leos are inclined towards drunkennes and extortion. When it comes to anything else, they show a remarkable degree of laziness. As a child, a Leo will typically demand a lot of money from parents, then from friends and even casual aquaintances. " (Read more Find yours)

my writing

This is the poem I submitted in the Summer competition. Everyone has been really complementary of it... which makes me wonder... are they just being nice{/suspicious voice}? Don't get me wrong, I like this poem. It is definitely the best thing I've ever written. But is it really good? Of course, I don't see it as being all that steamy either (which was a couple of peoples' comments). Like they say, you're always your own worst critic. *smile*

skin to skin
I breathe you in
our heat combines
our bodies mesh
passion takes me higher and higher
I collapse against you
the scent of our passion covers us
skin to skin
I breathe you in

skin to skin
I breathe you in
I no longer know
what part is me
and which part is you
I feel your heart racing
my heart tries to keep up
skin to skin
I breathe you in

Out of sync

Silence is usually taken as agreement. So, let me just say, I don't agree with what's being said.

I am a non-confrontational person. I will keep my mouth shut if I disagree with someone because I don't want to get into a big discussion which may lead to a heated argument. I also don't have enough faith in either myself or other people, that I can disagree with them and still be liked. Being ostracized is one of the things I fear most. If I don't think like you do, will you still like me? I know, that sounds so pathetic, but I really do let other peoples' opinions matter to me that much. I don't have enough faith(read self-esteem) in myself to think people will like me if I dare to speak up, and have a differing opinion. I guess you could also say I don't have enough faith/trust in them to be a big enough person to respect that I see it differently, and for them to not expect me to just be their sheep.

Having said all that, let me just go ahead and step out on this limb...
People need to back up for a minute. You are not paying attention to everything that's being said. It's not all political discussion that's the problem. It's also attitude. It's the spilling over into other forums.
For the last couple of months, I have felt like there has been a real ugly vibe to the forum. People who disagree are mocked and/or insulted. (and let me point out... this happens on both "sides") People who don't participate in the discussions are looked down upon as feeble minded sheep, and if they try to venture into the discussion, are talked to condescendingly.
Does the sight need more moderators? Probably. But are we not all adults, and should be able to moderate our own discussion, without the need for someone else to come in and tell us when we step over the line, though?
I also think the whole "PG13" guideline has been pushed to the edge. But nobody seems to realize that could be part of the problem. And it's not just in the one forum. Which is part of the problem... it's the spillover.

I have so much more I would like to say... but I'm going to cut it short.

So, are you going to reach out your hand and help me back to solid ground, or push me off the limb?

why did I do that?

I think I'm having a panic attack. I let someone talk me into taking a chance, and totally opening up myself to complete ridicule. I am really, REALLY, regretting it now. A friend convinced me that I should enter one of my writings in this competition at the message board we both frequent. So, I did it. Of course, I was still my original chickenshit, and only entered the 1st verse of the poem, because I'm just not satisifed with the 2nd verse yet. But now, I'm wondering why I even did that much??? I know it's not that good. And I know if anyone says anything mean about it, I will be crushed.

one of those days

This has been of the craziest days ever! By the time I left the office tonight, I wasn't capable of maintaining a complete thought...

It's just insane. It is my belief that the federal government does not want providers to ever, EVER understand the Medicare system, and be able to work within it. I usually don't talk about this with people, because one, they really don't want to hear it, and two, unless you deal with it, you won't understand what I'm talking about. (OK, I know... nobody ever understands what I'm talking about anyway - I make no sense, EVER) But anyhoo -- Medicare has had this regulation on the books forever and a day, but have never enforced it... Hell, they haven't even had the system set up for it to be done! But now? Every SNF provider must submit a no-pay claim on any beneficiary who resides in a SNF bed, if Medicare A benefits are not being utilized for said stay. Now this really sucks, because most of our facilities are 100% dually-certified. So, that means they will have to submit a claim on every resident they have (either a pay claim or no-pay). Our software system is set up (finally, after I remembered every thing I was supposed to do) that it's a fairly painless procedure to create this batch of non-pay claims and review them... YEAH, RIGHT! Today, what should be impossible to have happened within the confines of the software, happened. And I know, when ever the software support tech finally gets around to reading my email, she will say, that can't happen, and that she was unable to duplicate the problem, and therefore, can't solve it. (Of course, this will be after she makes me explain the problem at least five times.) And the questions from the bookkeepers???? I get an email today -- 14 no pay claims rejected for overlapping with another provider's processed claim - What do I do? WTH? They're no pay claims! The end result is they will be in a reject status! Who gives a flying frik WHY they rejected? I don't care what reason Medicare gives for rejecting the claim -- I wasn't going to get paid for it anyway! And people want to argue with me about what diagnosis codes to use -- PEOPLE, IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! THEY ARE NO PAY CLAIMS! And if you don't like my answer, just say ok, hang up, and do whatever the fuck you want. I mean, hell, I sent you the regulation-- same damn thing I'm reading-- do you see where it specifies any of this shit? No? Then how the hell am I supposed to know, when Medicare doesn't even know? (of course, I could now veer off into how the customer service with our fiscal intermediary actually does know less than I do about Medicare, but I won't.) And don't argue with me about whether a no pay claim should be submitted on a resident on a VA contract. Are they in a Medicare certified bed? Yes? Do they have Medicare A benefits? Yes? Is Medicare A paying for their stay? No? Then you submit a no pay claim! I said that in the first email, or did you think when I said it doesn't matter what their payer source is, if it isn't Medicare A, then you submit a no pay claim, that I meant something totally different?
Oh, and to the person who sent me an email telling me that no, that wasn't what caused the VA contract residents' claims not to pull into the efile -- shut the fuck up. Obviously, you have no clue how our software system works, and I simply don't have the time to explain it to you. And let's be honest, YOU wouldn't understand it anyway. Your email was not helpful, and was in fact, a waste of time. Of course, it did reassure me that I never have to worry about you being a threat to my job. I would really love to tell that person that she could pick from the following reasons as to why what I said was correct: 1) I'm Freda, and I'm always right; 2) I'm just smarter than you; or 3) see #1 and #2.

crazy time

Ugh! I hate this time of month! I don't mean that this time of month, I mean this is always the busy, crazy time at work. I went into the office yesterday morning, after a nice restful 3-day weekend, ready to face the world. By 5:00, I was ready to run screaming into the horizon, never to be seen or heard again.

I complain, but secretly? I thrive on the stress. I'm a problem solver. If there aren't any problems to solve, any fires to put out, I'm bored out of my freaking mind. Of course, it does get pretty damn old having to explain the email I sent out to each person who received it (50+ people). OK, yes, that's a bit of an exaggeration. OK, that's a huge exaggeration. I would say I only had to explain it to maybe 10 people. Of course, I'm sure there are some who haven't read it yet. Or they looked at it, and decided it didn't apply to them. (Yes, I really had someone do that once. She said she read the subject line, and didn't think it pertained to her. I mean after all, I'm forever sending out emails to people who don't need them. *rolls eyes*)

But as much as I really do like the pressure, yesterday was just hellacious. Trying to figure out why something wasn't working in the software, and I went about it all bass-ackwards. Took me nearly all damn day. And the truly sad part was, after I went back and read a particular email, I knew what to do. *laughs at self*