Everyone else was stealing it...

1) My uncle once: called me "uglier than I am". Actually, he called me that everytime he saw me, until I gained a lot of weight. I guess he was afraid it would hurt my feelings then.
2) Never in my life: have I went sky-diving.
3) When I was five: I was five. Sorry, don't remember much about it.
4)High school was: one humiliation after another.
5) Fire is: mesmorizing.
6) I once saw: George Jones at the local mall, just standing there.
7) There's this woman I know who: writes country songs.
8) Once, at a bar: I actually didn't get drunk. OK, that's probably a lie.
9) By noon I'm usually: wishing it was time to go home.
10) Last night: I started reading a new book. I was going to make a comment about knapping my flint, but decided that was TMI.
11) If I only had: never, EVER applied for a credit card.
12) Next time I go to church: will probably be for someone's funeral.
13) The best thing about my last relationship was: my son being born.
14) What worries me most: is being unloved.
15) When I turn my head left: I see my Pegasus collection.
16) When I turn my head right: I usually 'crack' my neck.
17) You know I'm lying when: I start snickering.
18) What I miss most about the eighties: my youth, and hair bands.
19) If I were a character written by Shakespeare, I'd be: a bawdy tavern wench.
20) By this time next year: I hope to have lost 60 pounds.
21) I have a hard time understanding: why Tom Cruise's publicist keeps booking him for public appearances.
22) You know I like you if: I tease you.
23) If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: whoever bribed the judges.
24) Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: walked into a bar...
25) Take my advice, never: marry this man -



26) My ideal breakfast: Belgian waffles with strawberries, and lots of coffee.
27) If you visit my hometown, I suggest you go to: Schakolad's - their chocolate is to die for.
28) Why doesn't everyone: realize I am the queen of the fucking universe?
29) If you spend the night at my house: don't talk to me in the morning until I've had my coffee.
30) I'd stop my wedding: if I flubbed up the line "lawful wedded husband". I said "awful wedded" 3 times when I married dumbass, before I could get it right, and I guess it was like invoking beetlejuice.
31) The world could do without: bigots and snakes.
32) My favorite blonde is: oh, she knows. *wink*
33) If I do anything well, it's: suck up.
34) And by the way: I'm actually sober right now.
35) The last time I was drunk, I: posted something on one of my other blogs, but didn't remember doing it the next morning.