Reminiscing

I don't know why, but I've been thinking a lot about past memories, and have been wanting to blog about some of those things. This may not be interesting to anyone but myself, but I'm going to indulge myself anyway.

I don't remember the exact date, but I do know which night I got pregnant with arkieboy. (Warning: this post may cross over into the TMI zone quite frequently and without any further warnings. Read further at your own risk.) I know which night it was, because I did not get up immediately after my then DH (*shudders* at the thought of referring to him as DH, unless it stands for dickhead, because then it fits.) and I had sex. I had wanted to have a baby so much, and I had been off of birth control for over a year. I would get so upset each month when my period started. It was actually at the point that DH had said he wanted us to stop trying because he didn't like seeing me upset like that. I'm not really sure why I wanted to have a child with him so badly. Our marriage was not were it needed to be, so maybe I thought a child would bring us together? Maybe make me have deeper feelings for him?

I think I need to back up even further on this. I honestly don't know if I ever truly loved my ex-husband. I think I said I loved him because he said he loved me, and I felt obligated to return it. I married him because I lived in a small town, the selection of potential husbands/mates/whatever was practically non-existent, and I was so afraid that if I didn't marry *him*, I would never get married. So, with that being the basis of my "love" for him, you can probably guess that we did not have the greatest of relationships after a year or so of marriage. We had actually only known each other for about 9 months when we married. To be honest, I wasn't so sure I wanted to marry him by the time we got married, but I have a very immature level of stubbornness. My mom and some of my co-workers had been telling me I shouldn't marry him, I didn't love him, blah, blah, blah. And that is one of the quickest ways to get me to do something stupid - tell me I don't know my own mind and what I'm thinking. So I had to "prove" to them that marrying him was *not* a bad decision on my part. But I can't completely regret my marriage, because if not for that, I wouldn't have my son.

So, after after being married for a little over a year, I got pregnant. I had started being sick at work, and was throwing up every day after lunch for about a week or two. I was so unaware and not in tune with my body, that I had no suspicion of being pregnant until a co-worker asked if that was a possibility after I was complaining of this weird "virus" I had, that I was sick every day, but only after lunch. When she asked me that, it just clicked that yes, I was late. Since I worked at a nursing home, and the lab company we used for our residents' lab work offered free lab work to employees, I had a blood test sent off to see if I was pregnant. Of course, when it came back, I had to ask the Director of Nursing to interpret the results for me. I was pregnant. When I told DH, he thought I was lying/joking.

The whole pregnancy was a surreal time for me. I never really felt the baby move until I was about 6-7 months along. The most amazing thing to me was getting to hear his heartbeat for the first time. The ultrasound didn't really do anything for me. People at work wanted to see the ultrasound pictures, and I made the comment that it just looked like a blob to me, not a baby. But hearing that heartbeat. God, it was such a big moment for me. Note that I said "for me". DH would not go to the doctor's appointments with me. For the first few visits, he would take me to the doctor, drop me off, and either cruise around or go to Wal-Mart until time to pick me up. He wouldn't even go in with me for the ultrasound, because he didn't like hospitals. After that, my mom took me.

Working at the nursing home meant working with mostly women. There were a couple of men who worked there, but the majority was women. Women can be such bitches to other women sometimes. Well, to be fair, humans can be such asses to each other sometimes. Anyway, one of my fellow employees had asked me at one point, in a rather snide voice, if the doctor had told me to start watching my weight gain yet. Because I didn't need to "balloon out". (Just because *your daughter* gained 100 pounds while pregnant doesn't mean other people are ballooning out, bitch.) Luckily for me, I could honestly say that the doctor had just told me that I was doing EXCELLENT on my weight. From my first visit at approximately 6 weeks until two days before my c-section, I had only gained 9 pounds. Of course, I couldn't eat chocolate, ice cream, anything else sweet or fried foods without getting sick, so I ate very healthy while I was pregnant. I also walked a lot. Mainly because my DH kept the car, and didn't get off work until several hours after me (he worked as a farm hand), so I walked home from work. We didn't have a phone, so if I needed to call my mother, I had to walk 5-6 blocks to the pay phone. That same woman asked me if I had felt the baby move (I think I was 5 months then), and when I said no, she said there must be something wrong with the baby because EVERYONE feels the baby move by 4 months.

I had went past my due date of July 10, and the doctor had me coming in 3x a week to check me. Like I said up there *points up*, I had only gained 9 pounds until two days before the doctor decided to do a c-section. The baby had still not dropped, there were no signs of labor pains, and from the 17th to the 19th, I had gained 20 pounds. (I think it was 20. For some reason, I'm thinking that it might have actually been more, but I'll stick with 20 because I don't want to exaggerate.) I was highly offended that the nurse didn't reweigh me, to make sure the scales weren't off. So, I gained 20 pounds, my blood pressure was extremely high, and the doc wanted me to go to the hospital for observation until my b/p went down. This through me into a tailspin, and I started crying when I went out to the waiting room to tell my mom and sister that he was sending me over to the hospital. In the "arkie can be so clueless" category, instead of getting in my mom's car and having her drive me, because the hospital was next to the doctor's office, I walked over. The labor and delivery area that I needed to go to was in the far end of the hospital. It probably took me about 15 minutes to walk there. This, while having such high b/p that the doctor thought I needed to be in an observation bed. I'm sure that really helped the b/p level.

After I got over there, and they put me in a bed, I lay there for about 20 minutes. Then the nurse came in and said they were going to go ahead and do the c-section because it was Friday evening, I would probably go into labor in the next day or so, and the delivery team did not want to be called in over the weekend, so they were just going to get it out of the way. To this day, I still wonder if there was something more going on, but the doctor didn't want to tell me.

Because I was having a c-section, I had to have an epidural. They have me sitting on this gurney, my belly out to here *holds hand far away from body*, and they tell me to bend over my stomach and arch my back. More, more. I'm sorry, the belly does not have any "give" to it. I can only hunch over so far. Ugh. Then they had me lay down, and they put a blanket across my chest, and strapped my arms down. They put up a blanket over my belly, so I couldn't see anything that was going on. The anesthesiologist kept telling me to quit moving. But the blanket kept sliding down on my throat, and I can't stand to have anything on my neck. They said the blanket was to keep me from getting cold, but I don't get cold. I wanted them to take it off of me, but they wouldn't. The c-section surgery was strange. I couldn't feel anything, but I did know when they had cut all the way through, because I felt my belly fall to either side. The official birth time was 6:18 pm. I didn't hear arkieboy cry for a few minutes. I was starting to get worried because I couldn't see anything because of the barrier they had hanging, and I couldn't hear anything - nothing was being said. But as they were carrying him out, the nurse stopped so I could see him. He was so beautiful to me, I just wanted to cry. I couldn't touch him because my arms were still strapped down. That moment, that one moment, was the best moment of my life. Whenever I'm asked if there is a moment in life I would relive, that's the one. Just so I could feel the emotions again that come when you see your child for the first time.

Linkage, blog readers, etc

I know some of you bloggers have all this tracking software, etc, so you know who reads your blog, where they're from, how often they come to your blog and so on, but for the rest of you...

Do you ever wonder who actually reads your blog? Does it concern you at all, not knowing who may read it? Do you wonder what people (who read, but don't comment)think about your blog - the content, your writing style, whatever? I have to admit, I'm really curious sometimes about who comes here and what they think when they read my blog. I had gotten a Clustr map that shows where people are located that come to my blog. Someone from Malaysia came to my blog. And, as I don't know anyone from Malaysia, I wonder how they found my blog, and what their thoughts were, if they even read the blog. It's just one of those "Wow" moments for me.

I also found that I was linked on some one's blog that I didn't even know this person was aware of my existence as a blogger. So, I'm thinking to myself, well... if I'm linked on his blog, then I'm assuming he actually reads my blog sometimes. And this really boggles the mind. This blogger is one of those people that I really admire and am in awe of. I've never had any exchange with this person, here, or on OT or in PM's, so I really don't know why he would ever read my blog or have a link to it on his. He is one of those people that I would never meet even if I had the chance, because I think this person is so intelligent, I know I would appear to be a total dimwit if we met and actually had a conversation. This is really stupid, but when I saw the link to my blog, I was all "Wow! How freaking cool that he has my blog linked!" Soooo immature, right? *grin*

I need to update my links. I told Bravie one time that if she ever took her blog down, I would be lost because I use her blog links when I go blog-rolling. Hell, half the time, I have to use her blog just to get to mine, because I don't always remember the addy for my own blog.

Anyhoo, if there is anyone who reads my blog, that I don't have linked, and you would like to be linked, please let me know. Let me rephrase that. If you don't want to be linked, let me know. Otherwise, I'm linking you.

A pinch of this, a dash of that.

1. Thanks to eBay, I was able to get the rest of the Wizard of Oz dolls from the McDonald's Happy Meals. And, they didn't cost me too awful much. I had checked craig's list, like HD and maybe someone else had suggested, but there was only one listing. The person had the whole collection for sale for $40.

2. I'm such a dork, but I'm not going to tell why.

3. Why do we not name names when we talk about someone? It's not like people don't figure out or already know who we're talking about. Now, if I was posting something slanderous (or would it be libelous?), obviously I wouldn't name names, but as far as saying someone annoys the hell out of me, why did I dance around saying it was agman?

4. I'm freaking out about my costume for our conference. I have just over two weeks to decide what I'm going to do, and to pull it together. But, unless I want to put it on the credit cards (and I don't), I have to wait until next Friday to purchase anything. That's what going for mani/pedi's two weeks in a row will do to the budget. I have $28 dollars to live on until my next payday (June 1). I had to take my change jar in and get a voucher from the CoinStar machine to buy groceries for the next two weeks. I'm just thankful I had the change jar. I was not looking forward to trying to eat for two weeks on just $28.

5. I really wish I wasn't too embarrassed about what makes me a dork to discuss it. Because I would *like* to discuss it, but it's just too dorky, even for me.

6. It's about to get crazy at work. I don't know if you remember when I posted about how the only intelligent person (besides my boss and myself) left the office, but now her replacement is leaving, too. And the other woman, who is super nice, but not very strong, work-wise, is taking another position within the office (different department). That leaves me and stinky-perfume woman in our department. I really don't want to have to help her keep things going, just because I.Don't.Like.Her. But I'll have to be professional about it. (piss on that)

7. The only major thing I accomplished this weekend was I did my laundry, and I changed the light bulbs in the kitchen. The last one had burnt out, so I really had no choice. I hate doing that. I have balance issues, and my step ladder really needs a couple more steps for me to feel comfortable on it. As it is, I have to stand on the very top step (ok, it only has two steps), and I have nothing to hang on to. I need to change the bulbs in my bedroom light fixture, but hey! I still have a lamp in there, so no hurry.

8. I have decided to continue with Curves. I am able to go up and down the stairs without the pain I was having earlier. And, even bigger, when I go up the stairs at work, I am able to actually have a conversation with someone immediately, instead of having to wait to catch my breath. But I didn't go tonight. So I must go tomorrow.

9. I need some drink recipes. I have vodka, Jack Daniels, rum, and tequila that I need to get out of the house before July when arkieboy moves back home. I also have 3 bottles of wine. One bottle, I'm going to just put up in my closet (on it's side, tilted down) because it's from my trip to California when Catt, Jimbo and I went wine-tasting. I'm not going to just guzzle it down or get rid of it.

10. I really hate my own cooking.

11. I'm still not sleeping very well. The doctor I saw for my sleep apnea gave me a prescription for sleeping pills when I went for my follow up. He and the pharmacist both told me not to take them every night. I've only taken one since I got them (it's been over a week). It took an hour and a half to kick in, and then I still woke up during the night.

12. Speaking of the sleep apnea, I got the bill for the two sleep study tests. After my insurance paid, and after the doctor's office gave me a "preferred client discount", I still owe $735. I guess I'm going to have to put it on the credit card.

13. I only have 8 more bi-weekly payments to make on my car. Woo Hoo!!!!

14. I really don't have anything else to say, but I can't leave off at #13.

15. I couldn't leave off at 14, either.

Time to step back

I have got to take a break from OT now. I find myself being extremely annoyed by one of the newer members of the community, and it's ridiculous to allow someone I don't even know to annoy me. I mean, it's not like I *have* to read his stupid, inane comments, but I do read them, and then I'm annoyed. So when something as stupid as someone posting absolutely useless commments for no other reason than to increase his/her DAW level is bugging me, it's time to step away from the computer.

Glowie's survey

1. If you went to dinner with Jesus who would pick up the check?
(I'll just go with Glowie's answer)I would but I really don't think a restaurant should make him pay.

2. If you had to eliminate one state from the United States, which one would it be?
Utah.

3. If Spiderman and Superman were forced to fight to the death, who would win? Why?
Superman. I don't think Spidey's web would be enough to defeat him.

4. Sawyer, Jack or Sayid?
who?

5. Mohinder, Nathan or Peter?
who?

6. For the next hour you have to listen to one song on repeat. What song is it?
Stevie Ray Vaughn's Cold Shot.

7. What is your favorite movie? Why?
I don't actually have a "favorite".

8. Who is your favorite actor/actress?
Johnny Depp

9. Avril Lavigne. Yes or no?
No, No, I don't want her, No, No, Her new song sucks, Hey, Hey, She makes me want to puke.

10. Do you have a job or a career?
I have a job.

11. Would you move out of state for a job?
I've done it before, so yeah.

12. Have any sharks been jumped by American Idol?
Of course not. They haven't been out on the water. *rolls eyes*

13. Have you ever gone to a concert by yourself? If so, would you do it again? If not, would you?
No. As for would I? I guess it would depend on the artist and how badly I wanted to see him/her.

14. Did your mom and/or dad make you do chores? If so, what were they?
Yes. I had to do laundry, and hang the clothes out on the line. I had to help cook. I also had to do dishes.

15. Would you go to a sex toy party with your mom?
gawd, no.

16. If you were to have a sex toy party, would you invite your boss?
Had one, and invited her.

17. How big is too big?
For what?

18. What is your favorite reality show?
Right now? Charm School.

19. Do you have a favorite reality show contestant?
Kinda, sorta.

20. Could you whistle that little tune at the beginning of Peter Bjorn and John’s “Young Folks” for me right now?
huh?

21. Howard Stern. Yes or no?
No.

22. Do you know any local bands that you would like to pimp?
No.

23. Name one state you would like to visit that you have not visited.
New Mexico.

24. Why would Pink perform on American Idol after adamantly not giving clearance for the contestants perform her songs?
I don't know. I don't have a problem with it, though. If I was a song writer and/or recording artist, I wouldn't want some of those people butchering my work.

25. Multi-grain, wheat or white?
Wheat or white.

26. Carrots dipped in peanut butter?
*pukes*

27. Do you add extra butter to your popcorn at the movie theater?
Yes.

28. Do you have a favorite pair of underwear? What do they look like?
No. I had to throw out my favorite pair, and haven't bought anymore like that. I love "Cheekies".

29. Name one country song that will help convince non-fans that it isn’t all bad.
Yeah, right.

30. What is in the trunk of your car?
A pen and an air compressor thingy.

31. What is the first thing that comes to your mind when I say Marky Mark?
Mahky Mahk the Aardvahk (the invisible pet Monsty gave me.)

32. Which character from a movie or television show would you be?
Which ever character that gets busy with Johnny Depp or Hugh Jackman.

33. Who was the last person you hugged?
My son.

34. Have you ever been on a cruise?
No.

35. Will Glowie be able to sleep in a tiny closet-sized room on a cruise ship with no windows while constantly worrying and missing my kids?
I don't know, but I'm getting claustrophobic just thinking about it.

Unbelievable...

I did it again. I went for another mani/pedi this afternoon. While the girl is finishing up on my fingernails, my cell phone starts ringing. Since the phone is in my purse, I ignore it. I walk back to the dryer area, my phone rings again. Again, I ignore it. A third call. One of the manicurists was walking by at that time, and asked it I wanted her to get my phone for me. I say yes, and she gets it out for me. 3 missed calls from my mom's phone number. I call back. It was arkieboy who had been calling. Why? Because I had told him 30 minutes earlier when we talked, that I would call him later. I tell him what I'm doing, and I will call when I'm finished. I end the call, go to set my phone down, and you guessed it! I smudged the hell out of one of the nails. And guess what? It was the same damn finger that I messed up last week.

This week's color is Cara Mia Crimson, on fingers and toes.

There's a reason why

I don't get manicures. After eating at Chili's, I decide to treat myself and get a manicure and pedicure. I must say, it's quite nice having a man rub my feet. Anyway, after getting all pampered, and sitting with my hands and feet under the UV light and fan to get the polish set, I drive home. I'm being oh-so-careful. I pull into my drive, put the car in park, and go to turn off the ignition. That's when it happened.



I don't know if you can tell from the photo, but as I was taking the key out of the ignition, the chain on my key chain scraped across my nail, and messed up the polish. I am so pissed. It's shit like this that makes me feel almost inadequate as a woman. Women all over the place get manicures, and their nails look nice, and I can't even make 10 minutes before I fuck it up.

Why I don't like country music...

If you received one of the drunk phone calls, you know why I'm posting this.

I don't like country music because, well, it sucks. I don't like "twangy" music. I don't like most of the lyrics. And my ex-husband would listen to only country music on the radio when I was in the car with him.

One reason I love my job

I get emails like this:

Freda, Freda, she's the best;
she's better than all the rest.
Her hair is perfect, her face divine;
if I swung the other way, I'd make her mine!!!!!!!

Maundering

I started an exercise program Thursday. I had received a flyer from Curves. They were looking for volunteers for a fitness study program. All I have to do is pay a $20 refundable deposit, show up 3 times a week for three weeks, and exercise. At the end of the three weeks, as long I was never a no-call/no-show, I get my $20 back. So, I went through the circuit once Thursday, and then started my 3-a-week on Friday. The normal program is to go through the circuits twice. I felt tired but good after doing this. Unfortunately, the feeling good did not last.

I had been experiencing pain in my knees off and on since December. The bowling on Fridays was aggravating my discomfort. After bowling was over, I hadn't noticed a lot of pain, just when I would go up and down stairs. However, Friday night was a different story. The pain was a lot like a charley-horse, but only when I tried to move my leg. Once I either straightened it, or rolled over and quit moving, the pain more or less went away. This morning, it took quite some time to get up out of bed, and a lot of time to be able to stand up after I went to the bathroom. The really sharp pain, which was at the top of my calf has gone away for the moment, but now there's a more general pain around my knee cap.

I'm trying to decide if I need to should get it checked by a doctor or just suck it up, and work through it. I'm leaning more towards the latter.

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Arkieboy will be moving back home this summer. He's finally ready to come back home. I'm really glad he's coming home. But I'll have to adjust to having someone else in the house with me again. I guess I'll have to start cooking again. I am excited to have him back with me, but I've gotten so used to be alone and having the quiet in the evenings and weekends. And I'll need to get all the booze out of the house. I don't drink around him. I know this is kind of hypocritical on my part - being someone else dependant on whether my son is around or not.

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I went for a follow up on my use of the CPAP machine on Wednesday. The machine has a "smart card" that records my usage and if there is any leakage. I understand how it would record the usage times, but not how it can tell if there's leakage. Oh, well, I guess I don't really need to understand that. Anyhoo, apparently I had a LOT of leakage. So, they put me on a different type of mask.

He was going to try me on this, but I have petite nostrils (which I've never thought so, but that's what the guy said), and it doesn't come in petite. The small one wouldn't fit and there was too much leakage.




So, I've got this.




It's a good thing I sleep alone. I feel like a dork when I have this on. But, even though I had a lot of leakage with the first mask, and I haven't been able to keep either style of mask on for an entire night, I do feel a little bit more rested. So, I guess it's worth it. {/disgusted voice}

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On the topic of religion... To me, faith is such a personal issue. I know I've talked about it a few times, but for the most part, I tend to keep my views to myself. But on another board I go to (at the dating site), someone had asked about how important it was for someone you date to share the same beliefs. One of the women there, that I admire as being very well-spoken, answered with this:
"no. it doesn't matter to me what ones beliefs are.
if mine (atheist) doesn't bother them---which, so far, hasn't been an issue, even with my male friends that were raised in strict Catholic environments (schooled), then it's all good to me.

by my age and place in this world, I haven't found religion to be a problem for me.
unless others even know that I am an atheist, they wouldn't have a clue. I don't expound on my beliefs---or lack of. when my ex-nun boss says that she will pray for me when I've experienced health issues. I accept her graces and move on.
most people that I know are believers of one kind or another and I really don't care!

I am am honestly and truly happy for those that find comfort in the words of their god."

I just thought that was such a refreshing attitude, when there are people on OT who either shove their beliefs down your throat or ridicule others as being simplistic, ignorant or whatever.

I invited this woman to check out OT a few weeks ago. I don't know if she has, but I really wish she would. I think she would be a wonderful addition to the board.

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I stole my idea for my title from Jen. I went to thesaurus.com and found another way to say ramblings. Actually, it's to talk incoherently, which I do quite often.

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There's a job opening in our office. After the email went out with the in-house posting, my boss sent the email to those of us in her department with a message. "NO". The company policy about this is that you have to have your supervisor's consent. Which, if we really wanted to change positions, I don't think anyone in a supervisory position in our company would hold anyone back. For one thing, it is a really big thing that they like to promote from within whenever possible. Two, if someone's not happy in their position, you might as well let them go, because at least that way they stay in the company (assuming that they are a good employee that you want to keep). Anyway, I replied backing, asking if that meant I should tear up the resume I was working on. A little bit later, a fax had come across for my supervisor, and I carried it to her. She looked at me, and said I was NOT applying for the position. I'm saying, No, no, it's just a fax. Then, and this is when I really need that filter from brain to mouth, I said do you really think I want to work with that bunch? [/disgusted, scornful voice] I mean, you talk about some uptight, BORING people. Ugh. I wouldn't be able to stand it. And it's not like I would be trading up as far as offices go. That office may be a little bit larger, but it's upstairs where they keep it too friggin hot, and even though it's on an outside wall, it doesn't even have a window. And to me, the job would be boring. I know, to a lot of people, *MY* job would be boring. Hell, it's boring to me some days. It's not been too bad lately - I've got to work on cleaning up the aging for a couple of facilities. I know that doesn't sound fun. But I like collecting money. And it's one of the few times I can see tangible results of what I do.

"The List"

1) Zombs
2) HD

My OCD-ness in action

So, McDonald's was giving these away with their happy meals a few weeks ago.



And as much as I really don't need to be eating at McDonald's, (and I really don't like their hamburgers), I went there repeatedly. However, I didn't realize until the 2nd week, that they were giving the dolls away 2 per week. So I missed out on Glinda the Good Witch. Then, tonight, I just realized that I ended up with two of the Tin Man, and two of the Wicked Witch of the East. So, not only do I not have Glinda, I don't have the ScareCrow, and whatever the other one was. Glinda's the good witch of the North, right? So I'm assuming the 8th doll is the good witch of the South.

My OCD is such that it just kills me to have an incomplete set of something. I can't believe I didn't notice until tonight that I had duplicates. (Duplicates bother me, too.) It is going to drive me nuts that I don't have all of them. I'll probably just give them to my niece. I really can't stand to not have the whole set.

*head tilt*

I normally stay out of the bickering/debating, whatever you want to call it, that goes on because I am a non-confrontational type of person. And I really don't give a fuck who is calling who names. But sometimes you see something, and you just have to call bullshit.

Here in blogland, there are two separate blogs that have posts entitled "Bitter Old Hag". It's not my fight, but I have been reading the blogs and the comments. Could someone explain to me how a person who says: "I'm going to stay out of this for obvious reasons. *holds up Switzerland flag*", is going to accomplish 'staying out of it', when she posts this: "That's because you are a bigger person than I. Because I would have bitchslapped someone by now. Hard." on the other blog. To me, "holds up Switzerland flag" says you're neutral. But saying you would have bitchslapped someone by now, is not a very neutral position. IMO. YMMV.

So, in conclusion, Bullshit!

Bits and pieces

I went today to pick up my CPAP machine. Thank god that they have more (and better) options than what they just use at the sleep study clinic. The one I have *does* have head gear, but it's more like a plug that I put in my nose instead of a mask. I really think I might be able to deal with this. Oh, and a big

to all of those who say I have an accent! The guy at United Medical (who is from Seattle) asked where I was from, because he could tell I wasn't originally from TN. He said I talk like him. When I said I was from Arkansas, he was really surprised. So there! I don't have an accent! *sticks tongue out*

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That was not necessary.
As many of you are aware, I read a lot of romance novels, particularly paranormal romance. I just finished a book the other night that I'm just not sure what to think about it. I had posted a few weeks ago that I had read one that involved a wolf and a man, and that was disturbing. But oddly enough, I think I am just as disturbed by the fact that in this other book I read (different author), that the author chose to include a sex scene (in some detail) between two horses. Seriously. I soooo did not need to read about horse sex. Especially considering this was a "romance" novel, and she did not build their story at all. I didn't feel the love growing. /tongue in cheek

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I had mentioned that I was trying to plan a vacation for this summer for me and arkieboy, and that he wanted to do something "BIG" for his birthday. Several of you had given me some great suggestions for our destination. Arkieboy shot every one of them down. Why? He didn't want to spend his vacation doing a peep meet. He asked me if we went somewhere that an OT and/or blog peep lived, would we have to spend time with them? I told him no, not the whole time, but maybe a meal, maybe a few hours sightseeing. But he doesn't want to do that. *sigh* I understand why he feels like that, though. This vacation is his birthday week. Our vacations during that week have always been about him. He doesn't want to change that. So he has decided that what he wants is to come up here, and for me to take him to Opry Mills and just give him money and let him loose. He's so funny. He suggested that I give him $20 x his age. Right. Sure I will.

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*snerk*

As some of you know, I sometimes write "poetry". I had been told by a couple of people that I should try to get some of my writings published. So, a while back, I submitted one of my poems to poetry.com. The cynic in me says that anyone, no matter what they submitted, would receive one of these:


They are including my poem in their spring poetry publication. I can purchase a copy of this "deluxe hardbound edition" for a discounted price of $49.95. OR... I could buy a full case (12) for $369.00. Yeah, right. I can also purchase a commemorative plaque for just $38.00. I'm tempted by the plaque, but I could always go somewhere else and have one made, probably. When I received my award (*points up*) in today's mail, the enclose letter also informed me of another recognition for which I've been chosen.

I quote: "Every so often, as our Editors review the poems that have been presented our Editor's Choice Award, they personally select a few poems that they believe would have a wonderfully expressive quality if read by a professional reader. Your Editor has suggested that you become one of 33 poets whose artistry will be recorded professionally as a special part of a new CD poetry collection - The Sound of Poetry."
And this 3 CD set can be mine for the price of just $49. I have to admit, I'm curious how someone would interpret my poem to read aloud. I'm not even sure how *I* would read it aloud. But there is no way in hell I'm going to pay $49 for a CD set of poems being read, just to hear how mine sounds.

Sleep, or the lack thereof

I haven't been sleeping good lately. I've been tired since last October. It's gotten worse in the past month. It's so hard to wake up in the mornings. I've actually slept through my alarm for almost an hour a few times. Some days, it's all I can do to stay awake at work. (Says a lot for how interesting my job is, yes?) But at night, I can't sleep. I toss and turn, and wake up ridiculously early (2 or 3 am), and can't fall back asleep until almost time to get up. When I went to the doctor two weeks ago, I mentioned being tired all the time. He referred me to a sleep clinic. Last night, I went for the sleep study. I never sleep good when I'm in a strange bed. Add in all the electrodes that were attached to my head and body, and this equals a very bad night of sleep for arkie. I don't understand how they expect someone to be able to sleep with all this stuff attached to them. I had leads taped to each calf, one to my back, another to my chest, another one held in place across my chest with a velcro band, and yet another one on a velcro band that was supposed to be around my lower waist (but kept riding up during the night). I had a microphone taped ot my neck, in case I snore. Two electrode leads were glued and taped to my chin, and another two by my eyes. I'm not really sure how many were stuck to my head. I also had a pulse-oximeter on one finger, and two things in my nose. One was to measure the temperature of the air I breathe out. I don't know what the other one's purpose was. So all these wires attach to a box, which is then attached to another box.

This is what a person looks like once everything is hooked up:

(picture from :http://www.talkaboutsleep.com/sleep-basics/viewasleepstudy.htm)

I have a tendency to roll from one side of the bed to the other when I sleep, but I couldn't do that last night. Every time I tried to roll over to my other side, I ended up laying on the wires, and it would pull on the ones on my head. I woke up, not sure what time it was and laid there for a while (seemed like forever), thinking it had to be close to time to get up. Finally I sat up, and the tech came on the intercom to see if I needed something. I had to use the bathroom. Just imagine trying to go to the bathroom with all that stuff on you. Imagine the fun of trying to pull your pants back up one-handed, because the other hand is holding the box and wires. Try to wash one hand. Not fun. When I got back in the bed, I asked the tech what time it was. It was only 2:40. *sigh* Wake up time wasn't until 5:00. But I did manage to go back to sleep.

I don't get the official report until the doctor reviews everything, and he will call Monday or Tuesday. But the tech said I did have some problems. I get to go back on the 21st, and do it all over again, this time I get to sleep while wearing a CPAP machine. Oh, joy! But supposedly, this will allow me to sleep better and wake up feeling refreshed, so I guess it's worth it.

I need your creative minds

Help me with the profile, please?
Sanjana Banana blogs

Mom

When I was visiting my parents while my brother and nephew were down two weeks ago, I noticed that my mom had a really nasty sore on the top of her foot. I asked her what had she done (dropped a piece of firewood on it), had she gone to the doctor (no), well then was she at least putting something on it, like TAO? (no, she had been putting vaseline on it, but then it started burning, so she stopped, but she was soaking it in something - I think she said epsom salts). So, then when I went down again that weekend (arkieboy was in a play), I didn't mention it. But yesterday when I drove down, I asked her about it, and she said it was starting to hurt. So, are you going to the doctor? (yes, Tuesday morning). This morning, while I was drinking my coffee, I was talking to Momma, and made a crack about how they were going to cut off her foot - actually, not the first time I brought this up as a possibility - and made a "buzzsaw" noise. Arkieboy and I came back to Tennessee today, and while we were walking around in a store, my dad called me. I asked how things went, and he said not good. Mom is in the hospital, and he said that might have to cut off her foot. So, he gave me the number and I called Mom. First thing she says, "you had to joke about it. Now see?" Then she told me that the wound doctor (do they really have a specialty for this?) said that they would have to cut out some of the dead tissue, but that it should heal without any problems. She's going to have to stay a couple of days. I asked if she needed me to come back down. She told me no, for me & arkieboy to enjoy our time together because we don't get that much. I feel torn. Do I be the dutiful daughter and go down to take care of my mom, or do I be the mom who promised this week to her son? I really think arkieboy would understand if we had to go back. But I know he would be really disappointed.

Good thoughts and vibes, please??

Today is a beautiful day

These are all from my front yard. This first one was taken a couple of weeks ago? One week ago? Well, it was when aliens overtook Bob's body and/or blog and she posted about buying flowers for her co-workers.


These two were taken a couple of days ago.

I am having a very pleasant day today. It could be my meds have kicked back in (I had stopped taking one of them for about a month), or it could be that I'm on vacation now, and I'm not worrying about time, getting anywhere, just having a "me" day. I am seriously not worrying about time. Friday when I came home from work, I discovered that the electricty had gone off. After maybe an hour, it came back on. When I went upstairs to bed that evening, my alarm's digital clock was flashing. It had that it was 4:00. I hit the minute button to make it stop flashing, and I still haven't fixed the time on it. Or on my microwave, or on my stove. So, when I woke up this morning, the clock showed the time as 12:00. So, I really don't know what time I woke up, and I don't care. That is so liberating. I did have to go to the office briefly today, but the rest of the day has just been free. I like it.

I hope everyone else has had a wonderful weekend.


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Memphis in May Beale Street Music Festival, May 4-6

*pouts*
I wanna go...
Friday's lineup:

The Allman Brothers Band
Three 6 Mafia
Koko Taylor
Gov't Mule
Social Distortion
Richard Johnston
Sharde Thomas and The Rising
Star Fife and Drum Band
Robert "Wolfman" Belfour
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Jerry Lee Lewis
Chevelle
Hubert Sumlin & Willie Big Eyes Smith
Plain White T's
The Derek Trucks Band
North Mississippi Allstars
Popa Chubby


Saturday's lineup:

Steely Dan
Godsmack
George Thorogood
Bobby "Blue" Bland
The Bar-Kays
Wolfmother
The Ohio Players
Walter Trout &The Radicals
Kenny Wayne Shephard
Taking Back Sunday
Taj Mahal
Ryan Shaw
Kelley Hunt
Old Crow Medicine Show
Jack's Mannequin
The John Butler Trio
Keller Williams
Alvin Youngblood Hart
Eddie Floyd
One Less Reason
The Duhks
Daddy Mack Blues Band
Hawthorne Heights
David Honeyboy Edwards
Keller Williams (I'm not sure why Keller Williams is listed twice - keying error? Maybe there are two performances?)

Sunday's lineup:

Counting Crows
John Legend
Hinder
Elvin Bishop
Barenaked Ladies
Corinne Bailey Rae
DAUGHTRY
Tab Benoit
Guster
Edwin McCain
Project Pat
Backdoor Slam
Umphrey's McGee
Ann Peebles
Papa Roach
Watermelon Slim
Billy Lee Riley
Egypt Central
The Lee Boys
James "Super chikan" Johnson