Say you know something about someone... it's not any of your business, but you know it anyway. It doesn't have any effect on you or your life. But it has changed the way you view that person in a detrimental way. Is that being overly judgemental? After all, nobody's perfect, we all see things differently, and what's right for one is not right for another. So, how do you come to terms with it? Do you say "I think it's wrong" and distance yourself from that person? Or do you really look at the person and how you thought and felt about them prior to learning this thing about them, and decide if this one thing is enough to end a friendship? And does it matter on who the person is and how you felt about them? I mean, if two people do this same thing, and you liked one and disliked the other, does it change your perception of their actions and the "wrongness" of it? Are you more likely to accept an action by someone you like as opposed to someone you didn't?
*sigh* Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss. Too bad you can't "unknow" something.
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5 comments:
We've all been in this position I think. I once distanced myself from my best friend in the whole world because *I* thought she slept with her BF too soon. That? Was judgemental, I think. But, we are entitled to feel judgemental. Not everyone will agree on whether it's TOO judgemental or not. One thing I've learned over time is, unless I've been in a certain situation, I don't think I can ever fully say whether I would do the same action.
And yes, people do tend to make exceptions for people we like, it's human nature. Sometimes loving someone, and then finding out they were capable of something we detest, changes the way we view the detestable action. Weird how it all works.
If you think you would feel better telling the person you think their actions are wrong, then do it. Chances are, they already know it's wrong, and struggle with the guilt. Still, you have to live with you, so do what you need to do. JMO.
I think it depends. Is this information something you have witnessed, or is it something you learned through the rumor mill.
If rumor, then I would talk to my friend. I believe in open communication. So if you are thinking of ending a friendship, it's my belief that your friends sort of has a right know that and why.
*hugs*
Having judgement is a good thing. I have backed away from people once or twice in my life, but always from something I actually witnessed or heard first hand. Second hand information may not be worth that much.
I backed away from an uncle I had loved for years when I abruptly realized he was a terrible rascist. I was always polite and "nice" to him, but I never loved him again.
I backed away from a guy I rather respected at work because I overheard him saying the most vile things about specific women I knew. Totally vile and totally uncalled for.
The answers to all your questions are yes. It's hard and it sucks alot but our relationship with people is everything when it comes to how we see them. Try to keep your head about you and look at it from all sides before making your decision.
You have to make some judgements in life. Some things are clearly friendship ending offences (murder, rape, arson) Others are less clear cut.
Sometimes it can be easier to judge when you have not been in their situation. I try to remember that when I read things in the paper or elsewhere. I know I have a position of privilage. I have a nice Mr Bob, a job I love and a pretty great family. I wouldn't mind a few more friends, but currently people seem to move away as fast as I get to know them (I don't think it's something I said).
OK, now I'm not sure what I'm talking about.
I think you (the general you) need to have standards with people you interact with. I think there needs to be respect between good friends. (And of course we forgive people we like more than people we don't. Hopefully they have qualities that make the same action come out of different ( and better) motivations.)
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