Late night ramblings with arkie (not completely work safe)

The first two sections of this blog are safe, but the rest? You probably don't want to read at work. Or around children. Or your parents. Maybe not your SO. Unless your SO knows you're a freak, then I'm sure it's ok. *grin*

Today, I learned an important lesson. When trying to fax documents to someone, the process works much better if you dial *their* fax number, not your own.

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I just finished reading "Dreams Made Flesh", an omnibus (or anthology? - if all the stories are by the same author, is it an omnibus?) by Anne Bishop. One story made me cry. Another made me laugh outloud. It was a good thing I was at home, and not reading in public. People would have been staring at me.

Do any of you cry while reading certain stories? My son makes fun of me when I do that, or will ask why do I read them if they are going to make me cry. Some books just touch me like that. I see that the same way as reacting to other stories by laughing. The story pulled certain emotions from me.

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I told zombie I would blog about one of the latest erotica books I've read, that really just gave me giggle fits while reading. I'm assuming that the author plans on writing a trilogy, since the main character of this book has two brothers, and the 3 brothers receive a letter from their king, telling them that he has 3 daughters in the world, and he needs the brothers to find his daughters. Oh, by the way, these three brothers aren't human. They're satyrs. And in this book, once a month (at least I think that's the frequency), they have to go to a sacred place, and assume their "true" physical self. This involves having two penises. Yep, once the moon hits them, a second penis forces its way out of their body, positioned a few inches higher than the penis they always have (except that penis becomes larger than normal), and they must have sex immediately. They have to have double penetration with a woman right away, otherwise, they experience extreme pain. After the first coupling, the extra penis retracts back into the body until the next month. However, they still have to have lots and lots of sex all night. Since mortal women just wouldn't be able to handle the satyrs' penises (or would that be penii?), the satyrs conjure up these creatures... they're not real flesh and blood, but they're more substantial than spirits or ghosts... and these creatures (I cannot remember the name the author gave them) can withstand the intensity, frequency, and duration of the sex that the satyrs must have.

I'm going to get the book. There's one passage that I want to be able to quote directly. Wait right here, ok?

OK, I'm back. Hope I didn't make you wait to long, but I had to grab a snack while I was up. *grin*

OK, they're the Lords of Satyr. The female creatures are called Shimmerskins. And the name of the book is Nicholas: The Lords of Satyr, by Elizabeth Amber.
Now for the part I wanted to be sure and quote exactly:
Later, almost at the end of this book, the eldest brother, who has found the first daughter of their king, and fell in love and married her, must go to ElseWorld. So in order for his wife to be protected while he's gone, she must first have sex with him and his two brothers during the Moonful (that's the special night). This act is called a "Sharing". And naturally, it's the first mating of the Moonful for each brother, which means the wife gets vaginal and anal three times. This is the passage, that I guess is erotic to some people, but I just couldn't get pass the ick factor of screwing your husband's two brothers and then your husband, while the others watch. As the first brother is finishing up, "With a muted bellow, he creamed, spurting warm, brotherly semen inside her." Eewwww! During the second round, we have this statement made by the brother: "Come for me, sister." and then as he finishes, "His spurting warmth flooded her to mingle with that Raine had already deposited." Double Eewww!!! Come for me, sister??? Incestuous sounding, much? Finally, her hubby gets to do her. "She could feel each drop of his jism meet and bond with those of his brothers." *gag*

I forgot another *interesting* part of the men when they are in their satyr form... there is this thing... called a Seeker... a "serpentine instrument" that unfurls from below the scrotum that is "tonguelike" and "soothes any distress" that the man may cause to the woman's body during the the night of the Moonful and Calling.

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Zombie, I googled that one thing you mentioned on OT, but there was no way in hell I was clicking any of those links. It's bad enough knowing the sites exist. *shudder*

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However, I have no problem sharing these links (they have nothing to do with Sasquatch porn) with you. According to Bravie, they are not exactly work safe. A vibrator to hook up to your iPod "it automatically vibrates to the rhythm and intensity of the music." And check out the one that works with your cell phone.

For those hard to shop for people, may I suggest the pussy purse?. While you're there, don't forget to check out the pussy pen, and the Vulva puppet.