musings

How many people see themselves the way others do? And who has the more accurate view?

I recently reconnected with an old friend. She was telling me (she likes to psycho-analyze a bit much) that she thinks I don't let people ever see my real personality, that I always hold back. And maybe I do, but it always seems when I finally let someone in, that's when they leave.

I keep getting told that I'm this really nice person, with a big heart, etc, and I just need to be more self-confident. I'm also told that I'm cute, attractive, whatever, and that is my response, whatever... If I was so damn great, I wouldn't be sitting at home by myself every weekend, now would I? But that's because I'm too picky (so says my friend). *chuckle*

It's just strange... I mean, I don't think it's lack of self-confidence. I'm just a realist. I accept that I'm not the smartest person (but I am definitely not the dumbest either), and if people really know just how arrogant I can be, they would never accuse me of lacking in self-esteem.

Of course, to contradict myself, I think I'm starting to get a complex, lol. I was recently talking to someone about my tattoo, and why I got it, etc, and I mentioned my ex-husband, and the baggage that, after 12 years, I am finally shedding. She asked me why we divorced, did he cheat on me? Why do people assume that he cheated on me? When we first split, his mother made that assumption, too. It never occurred to me that it was even a possiblity that he was cheating. Of course, looking back, I do kind of wonder if he did. I sometimes want to ask him if he did, but I think he would lie, even after all this time.