I've not been comfortable in blogland recently. Hell, I've not felt comfortable anywhere recently, online or off. I feel like I can't trust my judgment in others. I've put my faith in people, and who I *thought* they were, and I think I was wrong. It hurts when you think you have a connection with someone, that the feelings are reciprocated, but then you start to feel as if it's all one-sided. I've got to quit letting others have so much power over me.
Update on the car situation: The police officer wrote up the report to reflect that all blame and fault was mine. I will have to have the car repaired at my own expense.
Trip to Texas: Meeting Frank and his wife was really great. I didn't take but maybe 3 pictures. I just didn't feel like fucking with the camera while I was there. My business meeting went very well. I had went down to go over Medicare, etc with the bookkeepers. I hope they all went away knowing something new.
Upcoming peep meet: I will be getting to meet Syren and CSTL at the end of this month. Woo Hoo!
15 comments:
Whatever I did or said, I'm sorry! :(
There are bunches of us here who miss you when you're gone!
*snooch*
I've missed y'all. I've just not been feeling sociable, and just haven't been able to be here, mentally.
*smooch*
I'm sorry, too babe. I believe know how you feel.
Glad you had fun in Texas, sorry about the car, that is so wrong. Congrats on your upcoming meeting CSTL and Syren, tho I have not met Syren, CSTL is great people and has excellent taste so I am sure she is as wonderful as he is. :D
*hugs* and *smooches*
Arkie, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I have no idea what has transpired but if I may; one thing I'd like to point out is that for me, I often feel so unsure of myself that I assume someone feels a certain way about me (even for long periods of time) but after a while, I learn that either a) they were just busy with RL crap, or b) they were *also* unsure about themselves, and it ended up being a misunderstanding.
Like I said, I have no idea what's going on, I just wanted to suggest giving it time. I've talked to others here (in PM) who've said almost the same exact thing as you, but the later said they found out it wasn't the way they thought it was. Just a thought.
Also, whether everyone is exactly who or what you thought, there are still others here who love you no matter what, and want to see you here, even when you're feeling unsocial or bitchy.
I'm thinking this is as wordy as I can possibly get it, so I should stop here. *grin*
*lvoe*
*smooch*
*hoping you stick around*
I understand completely, Arkie. And it is your perogative to step back and give yourself some space.
We exist in rough medium, Ahkie. Sometimes it is frustrating and sometimes it feels like the constant back and forth is not the most genuine way of communication; other times, it helps us to really open up and think about how we can put our feelings into words.
The other downside, is we only see a sliver of our friends life. We often see them in silly contexts or in one point in time. Sometimes my on line friendships absolutely sustain me and other times they leave me feeling very lonely.
Anyway, I had a point here believe it or not. And I may have just projected in your blog. Think of it as some empathy. I do think the world of you. And as for letting people have so much over you? I agree.
But that does not mean I want you to become closed off. It means I want you to open with some much love and self reference that you no longer feel like you have to sustain your self of sense through what other people may be thinking or feeling.
I think very highly of you. You are such a good person. I just wish you could see you the way the others see you.
xxx ooo
You know, I couldn't say things better than MM & Monsty just said, so I'll just offer...
*smooches* & {{{hugs}}} and hope you stay around.
..'cause I'd miss you. :(
Arkie, I was calling for you in your previous thread and was missing you.
It's funny that I was thinking of the same thing that mm said on the way to work today.
Us humans are sometimes so insecure. Even the extroverts who seem to be up and entertaining at all times. We had dinner with my best friend IRL Saturday night and she is suffering from some problems that I never thought she would (I've known her for 23 years).
I only have two people in my life (excepting my children) that I know no matter what, whether it be 2 years of not talking or whatever, they are there and we will pick up where we left off without pretense. And two is enough.
It's great that you had a mini meet during your time away. I was hoping I'd have a couple this year but it looks like it won't happen.
Anyhoo, *smooches*.
You have mail. *smooch*
Arkie - sorry you have been in a slump. Where in Texas were you?
I'm sorry you're having a rough time, hon. I have no advice, as I feel the same way most of the time and I haven't been able to figure out how to make it go away.
How 'bout some *hugs* and a *kicksmooch*
(Very jellus that you get to meet Syren and CSTL.)
Arkie,
I think you should know that I am just as geeky and snarky in real life as I am in blogland/OT.
In the interest of full disclosure, I have to let you know I do have more hair and am not quite as bouncy as you may think I am.
I am very glad you have come back (even if briefly). You have been missed.
Bob
*big hugs* to Arkie. I'm sorry you are having a rough time, sweetie.
All of your comments - I just can't express how much this has meant to me. Some made me cry a little, some made me laugh (really, Bob, I kind of suspected that you had more than just three hairs on your head).
Friday at work, I kept my office door closed, and didn't speak to anybody except when someone from one of the facilities called. Today, I kept my door open, but still didn't talk to anybody unless it was work related, except for two occasions. It's all I can do not to just have a total meltdown, complete with screaming and throwing things.
Friday, I stopped by one body shop, to see what it would cost to make just the needed repairs for my car to be legally drivable. The guy said they wouldn't do that - I would have to have everything done, because "their name is on it". What the fuck ever.
*smoooooooooooooch*
Hope life works itself out and you are able to get out of your funk.
{{hugs}} It's very hard to let down your guard especially when you've been hurt before.
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