I have really enjoyed all your responses to my question about how you interact with people you don't like. Some of the responses made me want to delve a little deeper.
What do you do when the person you don't like has something bad happen to them? I don't mean anything seriously tragic like death or being struck by a major catastrophe or being diagnosed with a serious disease. More along the lines of they put in for a promotion and didn't get it, or things like that.
I have to admit, I don't care. If I don't like you, and you didn't get the job you wanted, I laugh to myself. And if you post something on a message board about it, I don't post any comments whatsoever. I just cannot express sympathy that I don't truly feel. And I can't or don't feel sympathy for people I don't like. And I'm not completely sure that I would express any sympathy for the more tragic events, either. I truly am a cold-hearted bitch sometimes. Or I'm extremely passionate. You know? I love completely and whole-heartedly, and I hate the same way.
I also wonder sometimes about the responses to pics posted on OT. People post pics of themselves, their SO, their children, and everyone responds with how hot the poster is, how hot the SO is, and cute the children are, and I wonder... Do you really feel that way? Or are you being nice? Don't get me wrong, I would never tell someone I thought their kid was ugly, I wouldn't tell them their SO was ugly, etc, but I'm not going to gush all over someone, saying how gorgeous they are, when they're just average looking. (Or in some cases, uglier than a monkey's ass. *waves to Catt* she knows who I mean.) We had a discussion in someone's blog (don't remember whose it was. Hell, it might have been mine!) about a particular set of oobies, and how they weren't as fantastic as the owner of said oobies seems to think. But every time that pic gets posted, the men just drool and fall all over themselves to say how hot they are. And it makes me wonder if they really mean that, or is it just saying it to bolster someone's ego.
If you haven't figured it out yet, I really don't interact well socially with people.
Oops! I forgot something else that I wanted to address. Some of you had commented that you find out that you had had the wrong idea about someone you didn't initially like. I understand that. I think I tend to like most people to start off with and think the best of them, and then it's as I get to see more of them, that I realize that I was wrong that way. That they aren't as nice or whatever as I thought. Or they just become more and more annoying to me. And I know this is an incredibly arrogant statement that I'm about to make, but I'm being honest here. Let me make a disclaimer first: I do not expect my friends to like who I like, and dislike who I dislike. They may see something in someone (good or bad) that I don't see, and vice versa. However, sometimes there are some people that I dislike so much, that I really question the judgement of people who seem to like them. Seriously. It's like, are we not listening to the same person? Can you not see what an ass this person is?
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29 comments:
I'm like you in that I love and hate passionately. There is some grey matter but very little.
I am very shallow in that when something bad happens to someone I dislike, I am happy about it and feel they deserve it.
I tend to dislike from the get go and then let someone "prove" that they aren't some asshole before I start to like them.
For instance, with new posters I will not be on the welcoming committee and i will sit and wait to see how I feel about them before I start to interact.
I generally will not comment on the boards about how hot someone is if I don't think they are hot. I may make a comment but I will find a diplomatic way to respond.
If there is someone that I am not super thrilled with but don't have a passionate dislike for them I don't tend to think twice about how my friends may like them. But if there is some who I dislike with a severe passion, it does make me think twice when someone that I like likes them. I too wonder how people can't see what I see in a complete asshole. Usually my thought is "boy have they found your soft spot and got you snowed. Too bad for you that you will probably find out the hard way what an asshole this person is"
And I say that because for the most part I am a pretty good judge of people. I have had a pretty good success rate on whether someone is good or evil.
You know, Carey, sometimes it really freaks me out how much alike we are.
Other than the way we start out (because I think good until proven evil), I am the exact same way. I do tend to hang back and wait to see how someone is. I still haven't decided if it's arrogance on my part (they have to come to me first) or low self-esteem (they won't probably like me, and I don't want to be rejected.)
*wonders if Carey thinks I'm good or evil*
You're evil in a good way. *wink*
I tend to sit back because i don't like to put myself out there and then find out that I've been duped by some asshole. So i don't think it's arrogance or insecurity. Although I believe that I have plenty of both.
*grin*
That works for me!
*flash*
*takes picture*
Oh, and I whacked you in that other blog entry because you made a comment about wanting a private blog with someone.
When I first started posting I found the "super hot" comments quite over the top. Then, I just figured it was a way of saying "hi".
It reminded me of something I read "all babies and brides are beautiful by definition and it isn't lying to say so". And it is true. A certain baby might not look super attractive, but it is a new life and a new promise and all that wonderful stuff. Therefore it's beautiful. The same with happy brides. What babies and brides symbolise is so beautiful, they can't help but be beautiful.
OK, I just realised I'm rambling and that might not have anything to do with your post.
In summary, I just assume all the "so hot" comments are social noise. I don't think it's a bad thing.
I don't consider them to be bad things when they are said. I think it's nice to make people feel good about themselves. Everyone is hot or beautiful in their own way. I don't like it when people fish for those compliments though. I think some people post pictures for the joy of sharing pics and I think others share pics with the hopes of getting a compliment. I will almost never comment to someone who is fishing for the compliment.
I think it's nice that the peeps on OT are willing to boost someone's ego but saying "you're hot". But me personally, I don't put much stock in it when it is said to me. Because I know that I'm not hot and people are being polite. But it's still nice to hear though.
I just personally don't like to tell someone they are hot if I don't think they are.
I'm not sure that made sense.
All in all, I don't necessarily think it is bad when other people make the comments even if they don't mean it.
Everyone is hot or beautiful in their own way.
Even RR?
Oh, and you are hot. So shut the fuck up, and quit fishing for compliments. *grin*
Bob, I think I understand what you're saying. So, the "you're hot" as social noise is equivalent to asking "how are you" whenever you see/meet someone? It's not a question out of real concern always, just a social nicety. Which makes sense to me.
This is one of my insecurities. I often feel as if I'm on a completely different loop from everyone else around me. For example, several years ago, I was working for this one woman, and the majority of my co-workers either were all sharing the same brain, and I was the only different one, or they were all the biggest bunch of suck-ups ever assembled. My boss had really dark hair. She let her hair stylist talk her in to getting it highlighted one day. The highlights turned out orange-y. All my co-workers just gushed over how wonderful it looked, and how she should keep it like that forever. I didn't say anything, because I thought it looked horrible. I didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying what I really thought, but I wasn't going to lie about it, either. When she finally asked me point-blank what I thought, I just kept saying it didn't matter what I thought, what mattered was whether she liked it or not.
hmmm, volenteering an opinion is different than being asked in my opinion and requires a different response.
My friend got a haircut and asked me what I thought. I said it looked nice (because it did) and then I said I really liked the haircut she had 6 months ago because it had framed her face so nicely. She agreed hat she liked that one better too. I think some honesty is appreciated.
Maybe your boss was asking because she wanted an honest opinion?
I think telling her the highlights were awful would be out of line f she never asked). But as she asked, saying that you preferred her natural colour or subtle highlights (and following it up with your comment that she is the one that matters (which is true)) is perfectly acceptable and may be welcomed.
I'm a fan of not asking directly for opinions unless you want honest answers.
To maybe answer your other post a little late and this one combined, try I will. I(I have no idea why I am talking like Yoda)
IRL if I do not like someone I can't butt kiss them at all. Probably has hurt me in business situations the most. I will deal politely with them and professionally with them but I will not suck up. I always feel it is apparent to them to. *shrug*
With people IRL I do act a little "warmer" but agian will not butt kiss.
Here in the box I am probably similar to you. I assume everyone is ok until proven otherwise. Some prove they are not quite quickly (donnalYnn). I will be nice and welcoming to everyone until otherwise. I will ignore or not be so goofy with someone who I really have no opinion or a poor opinion of eventually. However sometimes I can't even ignore some. (see today's RR thread).
Both in the box and IRL the more I make fun of someone the more I like them. I hope if I ever tease or "insult" someone here they realize that I am goofing and really like them. If not I hope they bring that to my attention that it bothered them. I appreciate teasing back. I think the more comfortable with someone the more you make fun of them. DOes that make sense?
People who have unicorn collections are weird.
see? true love!
Oh yeah not to take up all the stage here but I also agree about those that post pictures of themselves just to get approvals rather than just sharing the joy of an occasion. Make it more like the same picture over and over. Definatley fishing for a compliment.
Will there be more monkey ass pictures?
*waits*
*shudder*
*sniff*
Do you smell something undead in her?
If it is someone I don't like and they don't get the job/promotion or something like that then yes...I do chuckle and laugh.
I will not and do not gush over said oobies because I don't like oobies...so there.
I agree, z'baby. People who have unicorn collections are weird. Not as weird as people who like Bigfoot, but still weird.
*sniff* Is that what I've been smelling? I thought Carey *pooted* in here.
It is so nice to see some thoughts we probably all have, being said out in the open. I've thought the same thing about peeps posting pics, and sometimes, in my opinion, other peeps are just "being nice" when they say wonderful things. That said, sometimes when you really like someone, it's easy to find a genuine nice response. KWIM?
I also hate when people are fishing for compliments. In fact, I'm so paranoid about seeming that way that when the big thread a while back came to update the Blowhemian Family Album, I didn't post in it. I *did* want to be included, (thought it would give me some validity in some way, like proving I was a real person) but I certainly didn't want anyone to be put in the position of feeling obligated to say something nice. So I emailed the pics the SurBear instead.
If I truly don't care what an opinion is, such as the time I posted pics of my cats (I don't give a crap if anyone thinks my cats are cute) I will do it because I want to share them, because *I* think they are cute.
As far as first impressions and how I feel about the newer peeps, I used to be nicer, more inviting, but I ended up more than once being "friends" with someone I ended up thinking were weirdos. It's hard once in that position, to know how to get out. So now, I am indifferent, until I have a reason to feel otherwise.
One last thing (I know, this is effing long) I don't feel happy when someone I dislike has bad news. I used to, but something in me changed, and I just don't anymore. Maybe it's because I don't really *hate* anyone anymore. When I used to hate someone, it ate me up inside, causing a lot of turmoil, so I decided I couldn't do it anymore. I *do* hate what some people stand for, or what they might believe in, but hating the person takes too much out of me. Unless they are child molestors. Then I will hate them. And I am ok with that.
Ok, I think I'm done. Sorry arkie, this was a good topic and I couldn't shut up.
Zombie is weirdo. A bigfoot loving freaky weirdo. *grin*
I hate my SIL. And I know her quite well. I wasn't around for the rest of the conversation- but there is my 2c.
I usually give people the benefit of the doubt and then decide later if I will ignore them.
Of course, PC wanted to *whack* me when I did that with CT! *grin*
I am an optimist by nature and try to look for the positive in all people.
Oh! ...and I think MM is referring to me when she is talking about those weirdos. :)
Nutz, while I believe there are weirdos in my presence here, nobody here is actually one of *the* weirdos of which I speak.
I missed the original post, but you know, I tend to agree quite a bit with mm.
I try to be nice to most, but lately, I've been pretty indifferent both online and IRL when it comes to newbies. I'm pretty well sticking to what and who I know these days and really not opening up to other things/people. Life is insane enough right now without me trying to deal with new stuff.
As for people I don't like...well, there aren't too many I don't like or can't find something good in them. Some tend to get on my nerve and I'll be polite and civil and leave it at that. I sure won't get stuck in a conversation with them if I can help it. Altho, the ones I'm referring to are mostly at work and I can always find an excuse to leave them quickly. Online, I just ignore them. It's not worth the effort.
As for the hot/not thing. I have to just roll my eyes at some of it and laugh at others. Prime example - when I posted my wedding pics over the summer, I could not have cared any less about what the majority thought about how I looked. I posted them because I wanted to share with my friends a bit of my day. I knew I looked good that day. *grin* If I don't think that my personal opinion is very nice, I either won't post at all or I'll find something considerate to say and leave it at that.
Oh and Carey? Shut.up. You're hot and you know it. Especially with that new-ish hairdo.
Oh! Yeah ...and what momma said! All of it!
MM: Phew! I'm so glad I'm not one of *those* ones. :)
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