I had a bumper. Now I don't. The End.
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16 comments:
What happened? And is it okay that I giggled?
Uh oh. Now how do you put junk in your trunk without a bumper to balance it on?
Oh shat! Okay, I know what happened.
Arkie was stealing pumpkins from the local farmer.
Did I mention she was drunk? Then, as she loads up her backseat and trunk w/ stolen produce, she discovers that it has gotten dusky and now she can't find the trail she drove in on.
After 1/2 hour and one really bumpy ride home, she discovers her car the next morning, loaded w/ pumpkins and missing one bumper.
Ah, well. I tried my hand at fiction.....
So what happened?
Well, it's hard for me to tell the story without cursing like a sailor, so be prepared.
OK, so I'm headed to work, and I decide that I want to run by Chick-Fil-A for breakfast. Which means I go a different route to the office than what I normally do. I make the left turn from Mack Hatcher onto Cool Springs Blvd (this street has 2 lanes for both directions). So, I'm in the left hand lane, see an opening and move into the right hand lane because I will need to be in that lane to get to where I'm going, and the traffic is always so bad, that I get over when I can, because if I wait until closer to my destination, I may not be able to change lanes. So, here I am, in the right hand lane, just driving along, minding my own business, when I glance to my left and see that this total fuckwad in a pickup truck has apparently decided that *he* needs to be in the right hand lane. However, he doesn't seem to feel the need to make sure no one else is in that lane next to him. So here comes Mr. fuckwad, merging over into my lane, except it's not merging when you are forcing someone else off the fucking road unless they want to get creamed (and not in a good way). I make eye contact with Asswipe, thinking what the FUCK are you doing? But he just keeps coming! So, I pull to the right a little, which puts me in half in my lane, and half in the turn lane. I'm trying to speed up, so I can get ahead of this guy (I had already slowed down some, but that didn't help). Well, there is a car in the turn lane ahead of me (btw... why in the hell, if you are in a turn lane, you are making a right turn, the people who wish to try to make a left turn from the other lanes aren't able to turn because of all the traffic (no traffic lights, either), are you fucking coming to an almost complete stop before making your mother-fucking turn? So, I have to speed up, and get over, or I plow into the person in the turn lane. Well, Mr. Jackass speeds up, too. So, the right front of his truck clips the left rear of my car. And rips my bloody fucking bumper clean off of my car.
And then has the nerve to tell the cop who comes by he was already in the right hand lane, I was behind him (MOTHER FUCKING LIAR!!!!), and next thing he knows, I'm in the turn lane, and suddenly speed up and try to jump back in the lane in front of him. I had already told the cop my version of what happened. After Shit for Brains told his delusional version, the cop looks at me, and says is that what happened? My reply? I DON'T think SO! So, because no witnesses (no one ever stops when there's an accident), and different stories, cop doesn't issue any tickets, says he will put both versions in the report, and let the insurance companies sort it out.
As far as is it ok that you giggled, when I got to work, and said something about my car getting hit to the one of the VP's, who was out smoking, he asked how could I tell? One of my co-workers in our department made a crack about how I should replace the bumper, and then just wax it every week. That I could have just this bright shiny red bumper, that would stick out like a sore thumb, because my car? looks like crap. I mean, they did wait to make sure I wasn't hurt before they all started making fun of that piece of shit I drive, but I definitely was a source of amusement today. *grin*
Arkie! Did you lose a few pounds?
Off your car?
Quel moron, by the way.
Well that just fucking sucks.
It looks like you're dragging ass there a bit.
Aw hell no, Arkie.
What a jerk. What a stupid story he made up. That's unbelievable.
*sputter*
*deep breath*
*hug* and *smooch*
I once got rear-ended when my car had broken down. It was sitting there in the side lane (there was no shoulder), flashers on, and not one, but two cars hit me.
That car was a piece of junk, but there is something to be said for rubber-covered styrofoam bumpers.
So many idiots on the road. *HUGS* for Arkie. I'm happy to hear that you weren't hurt.
I'm glad you weren't hurt because I giggled. *smooch*
Stupid assholes on the road, man. sheesh.
Nice rack!
Glad you are OK!
OMG! What a fucking tool!
Sorry hon. I'm not even going to make any jokes, because I know that must've been scary and frustrating.
*hugs* Glad you're ok!
fuck. That whole intersection/road sucks monkey rod (and I don't mean that in a good way, either). I've nearly killed a few bumpers there myself. Glad you are okay.
Kimmah - I don't know of any road in Cool Springs that doesn't suck monkey rod.
What a moron!
I hate stupid people!
Glad you're not hurt.
{{{hugs}}}
Thanks, nutz!
*snort* Boo, you're assuming I have plates on that piece of crap. *grin*
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