i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones,and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like,slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz
of your electric fur,and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh....And eyes big love-crumbs,
and possibly i like the thrill
of under me you so quite new
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Friday, January 07, 2005
Friday night bowling
Well, tonight begins 10 weeks of public humiliation. That's right, our bowling league season kicks off tonight. My team, the Lucky Strikes, will be the fun team, which is just as well, cuz we sure aren't the good team. LOL. We have matching shirts for this season - from Big Dog - the back says "Grab your balls and let's go bowling". I forgot to replace the tiara from last year that we would pass around for being the Gutter Ball Queen. I hope I will be able bowl better and have a higher score than in the 70's. Maybe if I spent more time concentrating on my game instead of food and booze - nah, scratch that, bring more booze!
Update: I still suck at bowling, but damn we had fun. LMAO. Jessica fell twice, and I had my camera with me! Then for some unknown reason, we all started taking pictures of each others butt. Can't wait to get the film developed tomorrow (actually, later this morning). Will post some of the pics then.
Update: I still suck at bowling, but damn we had fun. LMAO. Jessica fell twice, and I had my camera with me! Then for some unknown reason, we all started taking pictures of each others butt. Can't wait to get the film developed tomorrow (actually, later this morning). Will post some of the pics then.
Sunday, January 02, 2005
faith
I think I am having a bit of a crisis in my faith. I just don't know if what I believe is right, or if I should explore other options. I guess the crux of the matter is, when following what your particular religion teaches leads to personal unhappiness, do you continue to follow your beliefs and be unhappy, or do you disregard that teaching?
My situation relates to divorce, and the "acceptable" reasons for divorce. What I have been taught through the church (brought up as a Baptist), is that there is one reason, and one reason only for divorce. That is adultery. If you divorce for any other reason, and then re-marry, you are then committing adultery. If your spouse remarries after you divorced them, then you have caused them to commit adultery. So, in my case, adultery was not the reason. To my knowledge, my ex-H never cheated on me. And even if I was to find out that he did, in fact, cheat on me, that still wasn't why I divorced him, so it wouldn't count. So, I have to bear the burden of I have caused him to commit adultery when he remarried. Plus, I can never remarry.
Am I really supposed to be alone for the rest of my life, because I made a bad judgment, and married someone that I could not spend the rest of my life with? I've had this discussion with other people before, but I never feel like they have ever offered any proof that it would not be considered a sin to do otherwise. My friend Pat had told me that God doesn't want us to be unhappy, and that no woman should have to take being beaten or anything (ftr, my ex never beat me, he only slapped me twice). My ex-MIL told me that the Bible also says that a man who doesn't take care of his family is worse than a dog, and that I shouldn't refuse to ever re-marry - that I should not be alone for the rest of my life. Which is great, but show me where I won't be sinning if I do that.
Which brings me to my other dilemma. Part of my religious upbringing has taught me that all sins can be forgiven, but once forgiven, you are to not commit that sin again (or at least try to resist the temptation). But, if remarrying would be committing adultery, but I did it anyway, and I asked forgiveness, then wouldn't staying married to the 2nd husband be committing adultery again and again? It would appear that the marriage would cause a perpetual sin.
Not that any of this really matters (other than the whole causing my ex to commit adultery - Oh, just thought of another question on that - am I responsible for each act of adultery for his multiple remarriages, or only the first remarriage?), it's not like I have any prospects of remarriage any time soon, anyway. I just would like to know if I should ever even be open to the possibility of it.
My situation relates to divorce, and the "acceptable" reasons for divorce. What I have been taught through the church (brought up as a Baptist), is that there is one reason, and one reason only for divorce. That is adultery. If you divorce for any other reason, and then re-marry, you are then committing adultery. If your spouse remarries after you divorced them, then you have caused them to commit adultery. So, in my case, adultery was not the reason. To my knowledge, my ex-H never cheated on me. And even if I was to find out that he did, in fact, cheat on me, that still wasn't why I divorced him, so it wouldn't count. So, I have to bear the burden of I have caused him to commit adultery when he remarried. Plus, I can never remarry.
Am I really supposed to be alone for the rest of my life, because I made a bad judgment, and married someone that I could not spend the rest of my life with? I've had this discussion with other people before, but I never feel like they have ever offered any proof that it would not be considered a sin to do otherwise. My friend Pat had told me that God doesn't want us to be unhappy, and that no woman should have to take being beaten or anything (ftr, my ex never beat me, he only slapped me twice). My ex-MIL told me that the Bible also says that a man who doesn't take care of his family is worse than a dog, and that I shouldn't refuse to ever re-marry - that I should not be alone for the rest of my life. Which is great, but show me where I won't be sinning if I do that.
Which brings me to my other dilemma. Part of my religious upbringing has taught me that all sins can be forgiven, but once forgiven, you are to not commit that sin again (or at least try to resist the temptation). But, if remarrying would be committing adultery, but I did it anyway, and I asked forgiveness, then wouldn't staying married to the 2nd husband be committing adultery again and again? It would appear that the marriage would cause a perpetual sin.
Not that any of this really matters (other than the whole causing my ex to commit adultery - Oh, just thought of another question on that - am I responsible for each act of adultery for his multiple remarriages, or only the first remarriage?), it's not like I have any prospects of remarriage any time soon, anyway. I just would like to know if I should ever even be open to the possibility of it.
